Q: What is your job?
A: I am currently a golf caddie. I’ve been doing it for four years.
Q: How often do you work?
A: Seven days a week. I work as much as I can because it’s a very weather-dependent job.
Q: Did you know how to play golf when you started being a caddie?
A: I’ve been playing golf since I was 11 years old.
Q: Who do you caddie for?
A: I deal with extremely rich, extremely white people. People that have a lot of money and this is their escape. A round of golf takes like four hours. They can turn their cell phones off. You’re not allowed to talk on cell phones while on the course.
Q: What do you do as a caddie? Just carry the clubs?
A: There are three types of caddies.
The first is VIP, like what I do. You’re a psychologist, a coach, and a physical laborer all at the same time. They ask me, “Should I use the seven iron or the eight iron?” The higher the number, the shorter the ball goes. So if you’re even thinking about that question, you go with the one that goes further.
The second type is a bag caddie, where everybody walks and I take two golfers and carry one bag on each shoulder. It’s approximately 70 pounds and the course is approximately seven miles in length so you have to be in good shape. I run a lot. It’s an extremely physical job.
Third is a fore caddie, where you always stay in front of them. The players are in the carts, and you have just stay up with the carts. Golf carts go 14 mph, which is like a four minute 22 second mile, and you have to stay ahead of them.
Q: If they’re taking a cart, why can’t you take a cart too?
A: I guess I would say, we’re not getting paid to take a cart.
You can’t argue with the money though. It’s around four and a half, maybe five hours of work and you get $250-$300 a day. And that’s seven days a week. It pays very well. Sometimes it doesn’t. It could be $80. It depends on the tips.
Q: How did you find this job?
A: I used to be a high school English teacher. I was helping one of my students look at labor gigs on Craigslist and golf caddie popped up. He applied but I also put in an application for myself. I started one day a week, but I realized I was making twice what I made as a teacher.
Q: Were you in good shape when you started working as a caddie?
A: I’ve always been in pretty good shape. I’m 5’9” and 140 pounds and have two percent body fat. I know this because I got nailed by a golf ball last week and they did x-rays and stuff.
Q: Where did you get hit?
A: It was a half inch from my right nipple. I don’t know how it would’ve felt if it hit my nipple.
Q: How many times have you been hit?
A: I’ve been hit twice in four years.
Q: Have you ever had clients that you couldn’t get along with?
A: Only twice I’ve had a problem. Twice in about 800 rounds.
One time I just walked off. I said, “Have a nice round, I’m done with you.” They were abusive… mean… like plantation slave-owner mean.
The other time I had a single woman come down. I deal with mostly men. I’ve seen people that are drunk or have smoked weed but she was high on something—I have no idea. LSD?
She didn’t have golf attire on. She came down in a red cocktail dress with a rented set of clubs. I did the first couple of holes. I asked her her name and she said, “Umm… Jenny.”
She had no bra, no panties, and her boobs were falling out of the sides of her dress. She kept saying, “Prince Harry is my fiancé. Can you go and find Prince Harry for me?”
I did an hour and a half and then I went to my boss and they took her off the course. Later that night she was wandering around the hotel looking for Prince Harry again.
Q: Does anything about the job bug you?
A: There are two things that piss caddies off.
One is when players think they’re better than they actually are. They’ll say things like, “I usually play so much better than this.” I’m like, “No you don’t.”
I’m good. When you play caddies, the caddies are almost always going to win. As a caddie, where you work you don’t have to pay to play.
The second thing that pisses caddies off: we know it’s dangerous to get in front of people who are hitting. Especially in the medium range, where you only have a few milliseconds to react. It makes me nervous when they’re 25 yards away and they’re saying, “Just hit!” A golf ball coming off the club is going out about 160 mph and they are made of a very hard rubber. The time it takes to go 50 yards is just not enough time to react.
I’ve been hit twice but the close calls are in the hundreds. I got hit in the leg, in the calf, last year, and I had a bruise the size of a pork chop.
When I got hit in the ribs, it was two weeks ago Friday, and it still hurts. And the ball really wasn’t moving that fast.
About a month ago I missed one that would’ve killed me. Went right by my ocular socket. It was probably going a hundred miles an hour. I heard it move past my face.
Q: How long will you keep doing this?
A: As long as my knees work for me. Though in January I’m moving to Tokyo.