I. Dear woman I met, I am clearly overly attached to you

A. I want everyone to know this

II. Two things about me though

A. Not into commitment

1. I am inflexible on this point

B. Really into strippers

1. I am inflexible on this point as well

III. Oh so you don’t trust me?

A. Doesn’t matter because I never really cared about you

B. I’ll be better off without you

IV. Wait, you’re seeing someone else now?

A. This is terribly unfair to me

B. Stop seeing this new person