Dear Sarah Lawrence,
On top of a mountain, which I hiked for a science fair project to help cure cancer, I came to one of the largest realizations in my life: I care about other people. My body filled with an overwhelming feeling. From that point forward I knew I had to do good things for other people and not for myself.
That’s when I knew you, Sarah Lawrence, were right for me, my darling.
Some of my qualifications are: service, leadership, watched kissing videos on Youtube, academics, play cello, older brother who told me what girls like and how to apply deodorant, Spanish, SAT scores, decent text-er, sports, allowance from chores for buying flowers or a little plastic ring, Boy Scout, sportsmanship when playing sports, flexible curfew if chores are done so we can spend time together and maybe go to a movie, teacher who likes me enough to not write bad recommendation, car to drive to you, ACT, and poetry.
But, during my life, it is not my many, many accomplishments (all done simultaneously) that have defined my ability to be MERITOUS as your boyfriend. It has been my failures. And the humble way I have learned weighty lessons from them. There are MULTITUDINOUS examples.
Firstly, during a summer I went to Mexico with my church group and BEQUEATHED and VOUCHSAFED houses to people there. In the sweaty sun I built not just a house, but a home. Additionally, I built a spot in my heart for people, all over the world, especially those who look different or have less money than myself, like you, baby.
I came away with an even larger dedication to hard work, family, and DOGGEDNESS. But, I did fail to save them from poverty. That still gnaws at me. I knew I could do more to make sure I had a concrete success in the wake of failure. So, arriving back in the United States, I decided to fail and then succeed at having a school Saxophone Club.
We began small, but now are soaring like a CACOPHONOUS crescendo of notes! I think my own story is like these notes, and ours could be too. In some ways, the crescendo of a saxophone is a metaphor that can carry my entire story: starting low and ending high, beginning from the bottom (my many failures) to my success (Saxophone Club!). The crescendo could be metaphor for us, in my example, too.
Therefore, we seem to fit well together well. My dad dated a Sarah Lawrence at his age. As did my aunt. I value this tradition and hope to join it.
After receiving a tour (May 12th), I am even more confident I would make a good fit. You showed me around your rec room, which is best suited for “just, I don’t know, having fun.” I can do that and often do have fun with such people as Mr. Crosby (whose letter of recommendation you will find enclosed).
You mentioned the den where you watch TV and, “sometimes scary movies, but I need someone to watch them with…” You then looked at me, for quite some time. This is an example of my failure, a low point. Later I texted you, “We should watch those scary movies though LOL.” This is an example of my overcoming a failure, through technology, innovation and ACUMEN. It also fits into the larger notes metaphor, which is a metaphor for my life.
It was great at the end of the tour to have a brief address from your father about the overall values of the Lawrences. He mentioned “feeling at home here” and that “the fridge is totally open, all yours.” I did feel comfortable, and look forward to grabbing opportunities like the open fridge at a future time. Most relationships do not offer an open fridge policy, it makes you, my beloved Sarah Lawrence, especially well-suited for someone like me. I eat often.
I would also be honored to join other people who have dated you, like Ben, James and Brad, who are all cool and, since graduating, have gone on to opportunities such as sex.
You are a STUPENDOUS ABODE of knowledge and I would be honored to love you. I like your many parts, which I have reviewed online and on my tour (May 12th). I hope I could learn much about the world, and myself, through our time together, setting me on a path for a lifetime of success. I know I still have so much to learn, like how to kiss and, with your guidance, even third base.
Please consider loving me this upcoming Fall.
— Jacob (from the May 12th tour)