When you see a woman with no headphone jack, it can be intimidating, to say the least. Many men assume that a woman would only forgo a headphone jack by choice. But, with the technological landscape being so complex, it can be easy for a woman to get overwhelmed when making decisions about her headphones.
Maybe it’s been so long since she’s used headphones with a jack that she’s forgotten how much more reliable the sound quality can be. Or maybe when buying the headphones, she was unaware that corded headphones are still widely available on the market. Whatever her reasons, you want to be sure she sees what she’s missing out on and give her the chance to downgrade. To do this, you will need to overcome a few obstacles.
First, because her sense of sound is already occupied, you’ll have to resort to visual means to get her attention. In my experience, the best way to achieve this is to throw something in her line of sight. I tend to rely on whatever’s close at hand, such as a small pebble, a lit cigarette, or some broken glass. It doesn’t really matter, as long as it gives her the opportunity to notice you and your oversized, corded headphones plugged into a jack.
Once you have her attention, she is likely to remove her headphones, allowing you a window to begin a conversation with her. A good way to lead is to say, “Excuse me, are you aware that you’re using wireless headphones? Don’t you miss having a cord?” or “You seem to have lost the cord to your headphones. Would you like to use my headphones instead?” Make sure as you’re speaking to her that your corded headphones are in plain view so she can see what she’s missing before she answers. She may have left the house that morning convinced that she does not need or want a headphone jack, but with one look at yours, she will probably begin to have second thoughts.
If she seems quiet, don’t mistake her shyness for disinterest. Keep the conversation going by suggesting some brands of headphone jacks she might enjoy instead. Offer to help her buy some new headphones, in the event that her dad is too busy to help her.
If she still seems steadfast in her loyalty to wireless headphones, point out to her how likely she is to lose one of them, and how hard it will be to find. Just because the wireless headphones are white, doesn’t mean she’ll be able to see them easily. What if she drops them in a snowstorm or on the tile floor of a ladies’ sauna? Boy, will she ever be sorry then.
Finally, if she’s still unconvinced by your confidence, ask if she’s prepared to spend the rest of her life locked into corporate technological dependence. Be forewarned, this is the Hail Mary of pickup lines, and very few women will be able resist you at this point. But if she does, you’re probably better off. One of those little AirPods would be a bitch to look for behind your mom’s futon.