Morgan + Jeff
Kindly Request Your Presence
At a Party to Celebrate
Their Upcoming Divorce
Or, Extreme Makeover: Our Entire Life and All Our Choices Edition
Taking Place at
What is Now Morgan’s Home
On Friday, February 21, 8 pm.
The Party Will Include Dancing, Photos,
Memories, Drinks, and Snacks.
Because Who Needs a Sustained and Loving Relationship
Based on Mutual Admiration and Support
When You Can Have Mini Franks!!
The Party Will Also Include Games Such as:
“Match the Annoying Quality to Morgan or Jeff,”
“Talk About the Early Days and Try to Pinpoint
Precisely When Things Started Going Wrong,”
“Wonder if Marriage is Even a Viable Institution
Or if it is a Construction of the Patriarchy.”
Also: Badminton!
And We Got a Fire Pit.
To ‘Wink’ at the Differences
That Slowly Pulled Morgan + Jeff Apart
There Will Be “Morgan”- and “Jeff”-Themed Areas
To Represent Their Separate Interests.
Morgan’s Theme Celebrates Her Interest in
Reading, Movies, and Learning About Other People.
Jeff’s Celebrates His Interest in
Staring at His Phone 24/7
And Ignoring Morgan’s Basic Human Need
For Connection.
This is Only for
Close Personal Friends And Family
So Please No Plus-Ones.
And No One Invite Tom
Who, as You All Knew Before Jeff Did,
Morgan Has Been Having an Affair With
For Over a Year.
And Please, No Kids!
Though Morgan + Jeff Have Chosen To Separate
They Still Love Each Other Very Much
So Please No Bad-Mouthing
One to the Other
Or Asking Morgan to Detail
All the Weird Sex Stuff Jeff is Into.
Please Help Us Celebrate
The Making and Breaking
Of the Sacred Vow of Marriage.
And Time That Morgan + Jeff Spent Loving Each Other
That They Will Never Get Back.
Years Which, if We are Being Totally Honest,
Saw the Peak of Their Physical Attractiveness
And Sexual Virility.
We So Look Forward To Seeing You
And as They Say:
‘Thank God There Were No Children Involved!’
Except of Course Little Dylan.