Thanks for your interest in becoming a NIMBY. The Not In My Back Yard movement has been a proud supporter of exclusionary zoning, regressive views, and rose-colored nostalgia for decades. We welcome all to become part of our big tent (not very on-brand, we know). Simply fill out this quick multiple-choice form so we can ensure that you’re cranky enough to join our bad-faith organization of cranks.
Question One: Do you live here?
*If choosing No, please skip to the bottom of this page.
Question Two: How did you hear about NIMBYs?
A. An unhinged, oddly capitalized rant from an eighty-five-year-old on NextDoor.
B. Public meltdown from a thirty-year-old liberal arts graduate on Twitter.
C. Your dad’s coworker Craig Schlenker, as told during a rambling story over Sunday dinner.
Question Three: What is your biggest concern about building new homes in your area?
A. Decreasing property values.
B. More people, specifically ones that don’t look like me.
C. Option B but I feel more comfortable publicly choosing option A.
Question Four: Where do you think new housing should be built instead?
A. The town on the other side of the railroad tracks.
B. A brand-new city, that’s a thing we can definitely do, right?
Question Five: Should all new housing be affordable to all?
A. Absolutely! Especially because my own house is so expensive.
B. Yes and new residents should be crowned the kings and queens of small, independent island nations in the Pacific. If that entirely reasonable request prevents new housing from being built, so be it.
C. Are we still using affordable housing as a smokescreen? Can I re-check the box about people that don’t look like me?
Question Six: How much did your home cost when you purchased it?
A. I inherited mine from my parents.
B. In 1976, I accidentally dropped a nickel near an open house and they handed me a deed.
C. Which home? I have seven.
Question Seven: What is the most dangerous aspect of YIMBYs (Yes In My Back Yard)?
A. They’re pawns being used for a corporate takeover.
B. If you look them in the eye, you turn to stone.
C. They’re pawns being used for a corporate takeover to sell you anti-stone medication after they look you in the eye.
Thank you for filling out this form, and the NIMBY National Organization will be in touch in six to eight weeks or whenever someone proposes building a duplex within a fifty-mile radius. In that case, you’ll hear our screams.
*If you do not reside here, please contact your local NIMBY chapter for enrollment. We do not currently accept out-of-towners, people who look like out-of-towners, renters, transients, drifters, or people taking a walk through our community.