With apologies to John Mayer, who, like the rest of us, isn’t getting any younger.

- - -

We got the afternoon
You got this examining room
One thing we’ve left to do
Diagnose these
Symptoms, they’re new

One mile to every inch of
My skin tags, please don’t gag
This thing on my lip, do I
Need a biopsy?

Find a top doc
To heal us
They’ll treat it
Cut out the sugar
And pasta
What about quality of life?

Your aging body is a wonderland
It’s a medical wonder, and mine’s just as bad
Your body is a wonderland

Something ’bout the way my hair falls out each day
Doc gives me a pill to keep the eczema at bay
She tells me where to go for
A cardiac referral
This back pain is such a drain
Could I have an epidural?

Kidney stones
They’re painful
Swim in a deep sea
Of codeine
Can’t see a thing now
Fixing me is bound to be a while

My aging body is a wonderland
It’s a medical wonder, palpate my glands
My Gen-X body is a wonderland
(Carpal tunnel again, again
I can’t use my hands)

Damn baby,
You frustrate me
I know you’re mine, all mine, all mine
But that move you made just cracked my spine

Your aging body is a wonderland (you’ll never sleep again, again)
It’s a medical wonder, time for a CAT scan
My aging body is a wonderland (my knee is blown again, again)

Our aging bodies are a wonderland (arthritic hands)