The Yankee Doodle Boy

I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy,
But I also retain my cultural heritage from my parents’ nation of choice,
Because that’s our right as Americans, even though they may not be current citizens.

You’re a Grand Old Flag

You’re a grand old flag,
You’re a high-flying flag,
And forever in peace may you wave.
You’re the emblem of
The land I love,
So fuck Puerto Rico. Fifty stars is a nice round number,
and it’s hard enough to memorize all the capitals as it is.

God Bless America

God bless America.
We basically just kick ass.

America the Beautiful

O beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain.
I probably won’t vote when I’m finally 18.
My older brother is a gay libertarian
From sea to shining sea.

The Star-Spangled Banner

Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out to the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack.
I don’t care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team.
If they don’t win, it’s a shame.
For it’s one, two, three strikes, you’re out,
At the home of the brave!

Yankee Doodle

Yankee Doodle went to town
A-riding on a pony.
Mommy is at work tonight, so I made instant macaroni
For dinner. Why don’t they come to my baseball games anymore?
My therapist tells me it’s not my fault.