JIM: Says he “can’t believe summer’s over!”
ANALYSIS: Mostly false. At most Jim was mildly surprised by summer’s end.
FRAN: Says she “just can’t stop eating these chips!”
ANALYSIS: Mostly true. The chips’ fat and carbohydrate content trigger a powerful addiction-type mechanism in eaters’ guts known as hedonic hyperphagia, making it very difficult to stop eating them.
JENNY: Described lifeguarding at the town pool this summer as “pretty cool.”
ANALYSIS: Somewhat true. The lifeguarding itself was dull, but Jenny got to try several illegal drugs for the first time at the unofficial pool-staff-only after-hour parties.
JIM: Said to neighbor Benjamin, “I haven’t seen you all summer, how have you been?”
ANALYSIS: False. Jim in fact saw Benjamin earlier this summer at a Fourth of July cookout, where they had an uninspired twenty-minute discussion of the pros and cons of various lawn maintenance services.
BENJAMIN: When asked if he saw “the game” last night, said that he “only caught the last couple of innings.”
ANALYSIS: Somewhat true. Although “the game” was on in the background, Benjamin’s attention was focused on the results of his Internet searches “when will they cure baldness” and “erotic Muppet fan fiction.”
MOLLY: Told Barb Pagoda that “we have to get Jacob and Ethan together for a playdate.”
ANALYSIS: Mostly false. Not only is the playdate not mandatory, but Molly would prefer there never be such a playdate with Ethan, whom she finds to be whiny and always with a runny nose.
MELANIE: After being informed by Molly of her pregnancy, responded, "That’s wonderful news! I’m so happy for you!”
ANALYSIS: Pants on fire. Melanie has been having an affair for the last six months with Molly’s husband, who had sworn he was leaving his wife for her.
GEORGE: Declared, “If Trump wins, I’m moving to Canada!”
ANALYSIS: Mostly false. Due to his guilty plea to a second-degree arson charge while in college, George is likely ineligible to move to Canada or many other countries.
JIM: After accidentally backing into my grill’s open flame, shouted, “Oh God, my pants are on fire!”
ANALYSIS: True and Pants on fire.