“Progressives have long pined for another FDR. Here in the first couple of months of 2025, they’ve gotten one.” —Rich Lowry, National Review
We know, it’s alarming that Trump is talking about running for a third term. But FDR did it, and he ended the Great Depression. Well, it ended on his watch. I guess what I’m saying is if FDR did it, it can’t be that bad.
Sure, he’s intentionally driving us into a recession. However, there was a recession in Reagan’s first term, too, and he went on to oversee one of the greatest economies in US history. Sort of. At least according to the New York Times op-ed section. If Reagan did it, it can’t be that bad.
Okay, the serial abuse of women is a problem. But ever heard of a guy named Bill Clinton? Bill Clinton, who left office with the highest approval rating in modern history?? If Clinton did it, it can’t be that bad.
Obviously, gutting Medicaid to fund tax cuts for rich people isn’t, like, “awesome.” But it’s also just standard Republican policy. And you know who else was a Republican? Abraham Lincoln. So he’s fine. If Lincoln did it (which he didn’t), it can’t be that bad.
When he fell for his own team’s propaganda about Kilmar Abrego Garcia having MS-13 tattooed on his knuckles, we were all a bit like “Twenty-Fifth Amendment Time!” But you know who else was unable to serve for health-related reasons? JFK. After he got shot. If JFK did it, it can’t be that bad.
Yes, he’s gone overboard with the tariffs. Then underboard. Then back overboard again. Then underboard again. At this point, it’s kinda like when you microwave and then refrigerate the same leftovers sixteen times in a row and wonder why they taste weird. But you know who else was all about tariffs? William McKinley, and he acquired Hawaii, without which we wouldn’t have The White Lotus. If McKinley did it, it can’t be that bad.
I mean, if we’re being nitpicky, he did accept a $400 million jet from the Qatari royal family. But he’s surely not the first President caught in a corruption scandal. Ever heard of a man named “Warren G. Harding” and a scandal called “Teapot Dome”? If you haven’t, that’s fine; he’s one of our more forgettable presidents. But hey, that means he was considerate enough to not still be in our faces a hundred years later. If Harding did it, how bad can it be?
Fine, he’s trying to abolish the Department of Education. But you know who else didn’t believe in public education? Henry VIII, and he had six wives—how many women have ever married you? If Henry VIII did it, it can’t be that bad.
So he purged all the generals who might have any knowledge of how to keep the US out of another war. But so did a man by the name of Joseph Stalin, and he helped us win WWII. So at least, when WWIII happens, we’ll have… someone Stalin-like in charge. It’s not comforting, necessarily, but it’s not the opposite of comforting, is it? If Stalin did it, it can’t be that bad. Oh, and I think we just found their 2028 campaign slogan.
Yes, he’s come for the universities. But so did Chairman Mao. And no one has anything bad to say about Mao. At least, not in public in China, as anti-Mao speech is openly suppressed. If Mao did it, it can’t be that bad.
Fair point, it’s a little weird that he wants to invade Greenland. But you know who else invaded random places? Genghis Khan. And we’re all descended from him, I think. To insult The Geng is to insult yourself. If Genghis Khan did it, it can’t be that bad.
And I think we were all a bit alarmed when he revived himself from the dead (politically) to come back and ruin the world. But you know who else did that? Voldemort. And in the end, he was fictional. I wish I could say the same about our president.