Love, Actually

LAURA LINNEY’S CHARACTER: Want to have sex, hot guy from my office?


LLC (answering her phone): Hey, babe. Uh-huh… hh-huh… okay.

HGFHO: Oh, dear, this sounds important. Should I leave?

LLC (hanging up phone): Nah, that was just my brother. He sews clothing out of curtains and wanted to tell me about the new shirt he made. Now, where were we?

- - -


JACK: Promise me that you will survive, Rose.

ROSE: Are you kidding? I’m toasty warm in this waterproof coat you sewed for me out of the ship’s sails!

JACK: Oh, hey! That’s great.

ROSE: Right? Hey, come on up the raft! There’s room enough for two!

- - -


LAWRENCE: Forget it, Jake. She learned how to sew in seventh grade, made herself some dungarees out of the bedroom curtains, moved out when she was 14, and now makes a good living tailoring for Saks while looking after her younger sister/daughter.

JAKE: Is that an improvement, though?

LAWRENCE: Well, also, Roman Polański didn’t direct this film.

JAKE: Perfect.

- - -

Any James Bond Film

BOND: Hello there, sexy lady in a bikini.

SEXY LADY: Can you help me whipstitch this buttonhole?

BOND: Oh, I bet I could help—

SEXY LADY: It’s not a euphemism; I just need you to hold these pieces together while I stitch around the cut. I’m making myself a long, opaque muumuu.

BOND: Are… are these my curtains?

SEXY LADY: Pass me the seam ripper.

- - -

The Sound of Music

CAPTAIN VON TRAPP: Do you mean to tell me that my children have been roaming about Salzburg dressed up in nothing but some old drapes?

MARIA: Yes, and having a marvelous time!

BARONESS: I completely approve! This shirt is a repurposed curtain, too!

MARIA: Oh, Baroness, you sew? A needle pulling thread? What a connection I feel to you! (moves slightly too close) Perhaps you could help me solve the problem called… bosom darts?

BARONESS: (also moves slightly too close) Somehow, I suspect you will never be a nun.

CAPTAIN VON TRAPP: Hey, hello, girls, are either of you…

BARONESS: I think I hear the children calling you, Georg.

MARIA: (to Baroness) Can I invite you up to my room for some tea?

BARONESS: A drink with jam and bread? Oh, hell, yes.

MARIA: (yodeling) Odl lay odl lay odl lay! Hoo!