I used to think I’d have it all figured out by the time I was 25: the standing desk, a trench coat, renewed faith in Catholicism. But now that I’m here, I’ve realized that my mid-20s are a transitional period and that not having all the answers is just fine. Here are some questions it’s okay to still be asking during this decade of self-discovery.
Why don’t the people in Antarctica fall off?
The Earth is a ball, and that’s confusing because you have to zoom out very far or have a globe handy to remember that. If the Earth is a sphere just sitting in outer space, it makes sense to still be asking yourself, how are we on this ball, and why are we not all plummeting into a black hole? Just remember, there’s a whole world out there; you don’t need to have gravity figured out before you jump in.
Where do babies come from?
Babies have plagued this world for centuries. They look like they don’t have bones and everyone, for some reason, enjoys it when they are fat. Why are we being tortured with their presence and who is sending them upon us? This is something we must wrestle with as we mature by having sex with lots of different people.
How come Charlie gets to be line leader today?
Often, yesterday feels far away. Sometimes, I forget that I actually got to be line leader yesterday and lost my privileges because I continually stopped short so that Renee would walk into me and hit her nose. Just remember that in your twenties each day is new and to have patience—you’ll get to be line leader again. It’s just a classroom rotation.
Mom, please can I get a Lunchable, pleeeaaase?!
After college, you’re torn between the world of wanting to do it yourself and craving 1000% of your daily sodium in the form of a pre-packaged cracker and cheese meal. That’s okay! We are all testing out the waters of adulthood and sometimes that means throwing a Lunchable into your mom’s cart right before the checkout and just praying she doesn’t notice.
My fingers are sticky!!!
Sometimes, a question isn’t a question at all. Sometimes, you hate how sticky your hands are and you need it to get off NOW! Remember that your feelings are valid, don’t try to push them away. Use guided meditation to help you clear your mind and make better decisions. Licking your ice cream quickly or eating your puhsgetti with a fork aren’t skills you learn in a day.
Where. Are. My. SHOOOEEEES??
Think of your shoes as a mystery meant to test you and help you grow. I’ve personally left my shoes in the living room next to the couch at night, only to awake in the morning and discover that they are nowhere to be found. Sometimes they don’t materialize until I yell or scream! It’s holes in the universe like this that make me realize my spirituality is in flux, and I need to keep asking the big questions.
Do I have to share my Legos with David?
Moving back in with your parents and suddenly having to share your toys isn’t easy. But as a part of the “boomerang” generation, it might become your reality if you didn’t get a marketable degree. Remember, when you’re living at home it’s respectful to follow your parents’ rules, and yes that includes sharing your Legos with David and stopping after the first time your mom asks you not to sing at the dinner table.
If I go to sleep now will Santa come faster?
Time is slippery. No philosopher or scientist has been able to figure out what makes it go by, why we decide to keep track of it, or just why when we pass into REM cycle Santa more quickly delivers gifts. You’re a doe-eyed adult in a world of jaded grown-ups, so exercise your youth by not worrying about the future or how the sands of time organize our movement. Don’t rush toward milestones, choose the speed at which to take your own life.
Do I have to take a bath?
You’re young enough that you can still get away with going hard on some mud puddles on a Tuesday night. You might sleep through your first two alarms and wake up soaked in dirty water, but don’t apologize for having a good time. Do you have to take a bath? Not if you don’t care about your job or you get your mom to write you a doctor’s note.
Wanna know something?
Even though you’re only 20-something, you’ve seen plenty of love and loss already, and, therefore, have some of the answers. That’s why it’s okay for you to ask other people if they want to learn from you and then tell them what you know, regardless of their response. Chances are, you’re going to tell them that you just farted.