Says there’s a paper jam
Says the paper load tray is empty
Says the printer cannot connect to computer
Says the printer requires a blood sacrifice to appease the demon lord
Says the printer cannot detect Wi-Fi connection
Says the printer needs to be reset
Says I have a stilted relationship with my father
Says firewall settings may be too high
Says I should stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend because if I were really over it I wouldn’t be using a fake Instagram to look at his new girlfriend’s private account it’s been like four years, Ali
Says the printer heads need to be cleaned
Says it requires another blood sacrifice to appease a second demon lord. Like, second as in another, not second in command
Says the printer is out of ink
Like he’s not saying the second demon lord is his ‘assistant’ or anything. They’re equally powerful, they just manage different arenas
Says the printer needs to be restored to factory settings
Actually the second demon lord requests that he be referred to as “co-producer,” if that’s okay with everyone
Says software may not be compatible with PC
Co-producer requires organic, non-GMO blood sacrifice, not from concentrate (he just moved to LA)
Printer is currently in pieces