There’s no question that artificial intelligence has come a long way in the last few years. And it’s true that many jobs are likely to be replaced by these tools. But I know for a fact that the job I do as CEO can never be done by AI, regardless of how advanced it becomes. The things I do, the heart and soul I pour into my work each and every day—even on weekends—a computer would never match.
Could a machine decide to lay off an entire department based on a vague intuition it forms about the market while it half-listens to an Economist podcast during its morning Peloton ride? I don’t think so. Through years of stress and anxiety, I have built up my sensitivity to the market. This isn’t something that can be captured and replicated by a machine.
Now, I’m not saying AI won’t be able to pick up some of the smaller parts of the job. Maybe one day it will be able to misread my emails for me and send vague, inarticulate responses at two o’clock in the morning when I wake up from my stress-induced night terrors. But don’t be naive; that’s still a far cry from being able to raise another round of funding at a higher valuation by overstating the product’s capabilities to a roomful of VCs.
I mean, how could it ever perform such a high-level function? AI cannot ingest a highly tuned cocktail of barbiturates and hallucinogens before attending these high-stakes meetings. Not to mention, it lacks the chemically induced creative spark to turn around a tense board meeting about poor quarterly revenue and get everyone excited about projected future revenue by having an intern throw together some last-minute slides with colorful speculative graphs. It lacks the inspiration to frantically google terms like “total available market” and “flywheel.” Sure, AI can respond to my prompt “make bad revenue sound good in context, genius CEO writing style,” but could it ever think of how to turn a hopeless situation into an opportunity? I have serious doubts.
Artificial intelligence is not and will not be a threat to me or my livelihood because AI could never pay someone to pilot his yacht to a non-extradition country while he and his closest business partners fall down a K-hole and hallucinate that they are in hell as volunteers responsible for flaying the SEC commissioners alive. (Not the cool ones, just the annoying ones.) Do you even know the kind of mental fortitude, the sheer willpower, that it takes to pull yourself up out of that hole? That’s not something you can automate.
Look, I get it, I know that all of these changes are scary. They’re all happening so fast. Many hardworking people’s jobs are going to become obsolete. And yes, we will undertake the challenging task of determining which ones are obsolete and which ones are not. And yes, of course, we’ll be expected to tear up when we call into those uncomfortable Zoom meetings where we lay off those people. We’ll have to watch awkwardly as the chat fills up with angry comments about our new luxury watches and our summer homes’ lush gardens that we’re calling from because our new intern doesn’t understand how to disable comments in Zoom yet.
So, rest assured, fellow CEOs, we are special men with irreplaceable minds. We will continue to do the hard work of boldly leading the world into the future. Yes, computers are becoming increasingly advanced. Every day, they prove capable of accomplishing tasks we never thought possible. But will they ever be able to space out in a meeting while they become preoccupied with a great new idea they had when they misread the marketing copy of a competitor? Not a chance.
Who knows, maybe AI will come close in a few years. But I don’t believe they’ll ever be able to talk over their subordinates with increasing belligerence until everyone has agreed to their bold new vision. That’s a skill that just can’t be taught.