The apartment felt too “lived in.”

You hosted a Friendsgiving two years ago and didn’t invite him.

You left a heartfelt thank you note on the counter that he was forced to clean up.

The place felt weird with no stuff in it.

You took the heart and soul of the place with you when you left. Your security deposit doesn’t even come close to covering those losses, but it’s a start.

He wanted to keep the money for himself. What? Why is that so bad to say?

He walked through the place after you left, and there was no dishwasher. There never was one, but he wants to buy one now. You understand, right?

He loathes those couples that constantly send menial amounts of money back and forth in the name of equity, and doesn’t want the two of you to turn out like that.

There was way more dust when you moved in than when you moved out. Your lease specified that alterations to the apartment were strictly prohibited.

He saw you using olive oil to cover up the scuffed floors with the hidden camera he had installed in the living room before you moved in. Actually, he’ll let it slide if you just forget about the whole “camera” thing. Deal?

He’s lonely and was hoping this would prompt you to reach out.

His friend, an amateur medium, said you left a bunch of ghosts behind (weird ones), and now he has to deal with them. Also, there was a ghost who already lived in the apartment before you moved in (cool one), and he’s now gone. Did you take him with you or, God forbid, convince him to pass on? He still had a ton of unfinished business (unpaid rent) to deal with.

He assumed you would’ve wanted him to keep the security deposit, but if you’re going to be all petty and weird about it, he’ll give it back.

He thought you could just spot him this one security deposit, and he’ll get you next time.

He wants to install a few more cameras throughout the apartment, and those things are expensive.

You used lavender-scented cleaning products to thoroughly scrub down the apartment, and the smell reminded him of his ex. He had to have the entire place fumigated.

You put new batteries in the fire alarm but didn’t return the old ones. That’s theft.

He did an Air Bud-style test where he put the security deposit in between him and a picture of you, and it ultimately chose him.

You left a bunch of nails and screws in the walls. Honestly, that’s on you.