“Just breathe.”

“Breathe into your heels.”

“Breathe into your best self.”

“Breathe into this paper bag and you’ll feel better in a moment.”

“Take a deep breath.”

“Take a deep breast.”

“Allow the siren to wash over you and become part of your inner peace.”

“Let’s get you a new mat.”

“Let’s get you a tissue.”

“Let’s get you a pair of shorts.”

“Let’s get physical!”

“Try to avoid touching your neighbor’s pelvic floor while we do this.”

“Engage your glutes.”

“Flex your derriere.”

“Clench your butt, damnit.”

“Not that hard.”


“Remember to wash your mat later.”

“If you fall over, you’re just building muscle memory.”

“If you fall over, that’s OK.”

“Go ahead and fall over.”

“Try not to fall on your face.”

“If you fall on your face give me a wave and I can come over with a chemical ice pack.”

“Just do your best.”

“Identify your right hand.”

“How did you do that?”


“Let’s back up.”

“Let’s back off.”

“Let’s back down.”

“Let’s not and say we did.”