“Aw hell, no.”


“Of course. That makes sense. Sure. Can do. Fine.”

“I just this moment took two Advil even though I don’t have my period or a headache or pain of any kind, and now I’m looking you directly in the eye while licking the sweet candy coating off of my palm.”

“Could you possibly legalize something better? Oh, and bring back that Lyme vaccine while you’re at it?”

“You need to understand that a woman can approach another woman, a total stranger, in a dim and lonely restroom and say, ‘Sorry to bother you, but do you have any ibuprofen?’ and that other woman will breathe a sigh of relief and open her purse. Always.”

“Have you ever had a foot cramp? On your arch? Have you ever had that happen on both of your arches as well as on both of your calves? For a whole day? Actually, have you ever had that occur for a cumulative length of ten. Freaking. Years. I’m sorry. I’m exaggerating a little. The figure on my screen for the average number of days a woman is in menses is only 3500. I apologize. For it to be ten years, the figure would have had to be 3650. So again, I’m sorry about that. I was a little upset.”

“When you say, ‘risk of heart attack or stroke’ do you mean, like, big ones?”

“Fuck you.”