With Asian civil-rights activists, New York flash mobs, and teenaged Kansans trading up-to-the-minute crush reconnaissance in fifth-period Algebra, the text message has established itself as a revolutionary, if not labor efficient, means of communication. For those (like this editor) not versed in the art, letters can be generated by multiple clicks of a certain digit on a modern cell phone’s face. On the 1 key, for example, “a” is one click, but “c” is three. For each category below (one-click letters, two-click letters, three, and four), use the clues to come up with a sentence that uses only letters of that click value. For example,
One click:
Clue: A daughter suggests a geographic illustration to enhance her father’s directions to the office picnic.
Answer: Add a map, dad.
For those without a cell phone handy, here are the letters that can be made with each digit:
- NONE
- abc
- def
- ghi
- jkl
- mno
- pqrs
- tuv
- wxyz
From all the correct entries received by noon Friday, one person will be selected at random to win a McSweeney’s book.
One Click
A dripping canine is urged to placate the beloved head of the household with his only trick.
Two Clicks
Exclamation upon encountering a particularly regal member of the Hymenoptera family.
Three Clicks
A nearly tearful child, frustrated with his parakeet’s refusal to leave his perch, offers an ultimatum. Hint: The parakeet is named after an actor in westerns or a fast food chain.
Four Clicks
Soundly slumbering.
ANSWERS.
This week’s winner is Erin Peterson. The questions and answers were as follows:
One click:
A dripping canine is urged to placate the beloved head of the household with his only trick.
WAG A DAMP PAW AT MAD DAD (also PAPA, MA, MAMA, or PA)
Two Clicks:
Exclamation upon encountering a particularly regal member of the Hymenoptera family.
EEK! QUEEN BEE!
Three Clicks:
A nearly tearful child, frustrated with his parakeet’s refusal to leave his perch, offers an ultimatum. Hint: The parakeet is named after an actor in westerns or a fast food chain.
FLY OR I’LL CRY, ROY (also FLY OFF…)
Four Clicks:
Soundly slumbering.
ZZZZZZZ (also ZZZZZZZS or various combinations of Z’s and S’s)
As is the case with many of our favorite puzzles, entrants were extremely creative and we accepted many alternative answers. Just some of them included:
FORMAL COMMAND, INFORMAL SLEEP WEAR
“Damp Madam, paw pajama tag at mad dad.”
— Matt Reed
YOU CAN’T TEACH AN OLD DOG GEOGRAPHY
“Wag a damp paw at Tampa papa!”
— Dan London (similarly, Mike Stefanik)
MY DOG RESPONDS TO DIALECTS
“Wag at dat mad dad, gap jaw’d damp dawg.”
— Dan Anderson
SUPER INTELLIGENT SITCOM PET IN MILITARY TIME MACHINE
“Maj. Dad Mad. Jam WPA [Works Progress Administration] data, damp dawg!”
EXCLAIMED BY ENTHUSIASTIC ENTOMOLOGISTS
“Keen! Queen Bee!”
— Various
EXCLAIMED BY “BARBARA BUSH ON VACATION”
“Eek! Kennebunk Queen Bee!”
— Dan London
EXCLAIMED BY “MARK EICHORN IN THE 1990 TORONTO BLUE JAYS BULLPEN”
“Henke! Queen Bee!”
— Dan London
TOUGH LOVE
“Roy, fly or fry!”
— Bill DeRouchey, Chris Eckert and others
MR. T, CRANKY CHILD BIRD OWNER
“Roy, fly off, fool, or I’ll cry!”
— James Koss
I LIKE MY BIRDS FLAMBOYANT
“Frolic or I’ll cry, Fil.”
— Charles Star (Not sure who Fil is, but we liked frolic so much we gave it to him. — ed.)
WE ACCEPT YOUR LENGTHY EXPLANATION
“Fly off cliff, Roy, or I vilify yo’ ivory-color’ lori.” [Note: parakeets and lorikeets are both order Psittaiiformes and family Psittacidae, but are never the same genus, nonetheless species, therefore it is pure fantasy to believe that they would date each other. Also they have no shame.]
— TG Gibbon