Knock, knock, son. Hope you’re not busy. Listen, your mother was cleaning your room and she found this notebook under your mattress. I promise, no one was snooping, but we had a look at it. I have to say, your mother and I are worried about the quality of your Supernatural slash fiction.

No, you’re not in trouble.

First of all, we want you to know that you have great taste in your source material. Many people use the CW’s roster of teen-oriented melodramas as a source of creative fuel. Once you get that writing bug, you see inspiration in every pair of wandering demon-fighting beefcakes you see. I know I did.

But based on what we read, you really need to buckle down.

There’s a lot of good here. But there’s a strong tendency for all the characters to sound the same. You know the salvage yard owner Bobby Singer and the Nephilim Jack Kline have different tones. When you write them, put yourself in their shoes. And you don’t need to have characters tell us how full of mystically energized Satanic lust they are. Show us!

Son, I want you to know that this isn’t a criticism. Your mother and I are happy that you’re getting your ideas for the sexual tension between the troubled angel Castiel and that wisecracking scamp Dean Winchester down on paper. That scene when they end up having to sleep skin to skin in Hell because Lucifer has extinguished its fires and they lost their clothes and they need to stay warm? That could have been straight out of the show.

Except for the penetration, of course.

Great slash fiction doesn’t happen by itself. It takes dedication, craft, and above all, a willingness to accept constructive input. You’ve read my Dukes of Hazzard slash fiction, and your mother’s ongoing series of novellas about the intimate relationship between Quantum Leap’s Dr. Sam Beckett and the holographic Admiral Al Calavicci, who could never consummate their intimacy due to the latter being a hologram. Take another look at the third installment, A Leap for Love. It’s a master class in erotic shipping.

Yes, your mother and I edit each other’s work. Some of our happiest times as an old married couple has been to sit down with some chamomile and bang out a ream of Babylon 5 erotica.

That’s right. Banging for Babylon, we called it.

And son, I want you to know, you have great ideas, like this flashback sequence of the family patriarch John Winchester encountering an angel and engaging in a sweaty wrestling match that both recalls the Biblical tale of Jacob and would make any sane person horny as hell. You need to harness that creativity and remember clear narrative structure, grammar, perspective. That’s just good storytelling.

If you ever want some notes, or even just a proofread, let us know. We support you and we’re thrilled you’re expressing yourself.

I’m proud of you, son. I know you have the makings of a great slash fiction writer in you.

Now get writing. Sam and Crowley won’t make out by themselves!