1. Terms

By accepting these terms, you are agreeing to be bound by these terms, as well as by ropes; chains; handcuffs; duct tape; silky scarves; and any ancient traditions we choose to invoke.

2. Use License

(a) Permission is granted to temporarily consider the information contained within this website, but not to:

(i) criticize it;

(ii) copy it;

(iii) mark it on a map or calendar;

(iv) talk about it in any way, especially at brunch when we’re not around to defend ourselves or have had a few too many mimosas;

(v) attempt to reverse engineer it.

(b) This license shall automatically terminate if you violate any of these restrictions or don’t buy us a present we’ve registered for, no matter how good a gift-giver you think you are, Bruce.

3. Disclaimer

The materials on this website (including dates, times, and participants), as well as visitors to the website, are subject to change, cancellation, ransom, crash dieting, radical facial alteration, experimental treatments of any kind, daylight saving, leap years, and the dark arts. Little to no effort will be made to notify participants about any heretofore mentioned, or otherwise possible occurrences, events, or relevant circumstances, though an updated mailing address for gifts will be communicated here, as well as by text message, Batman-style spotlight, and local NBC affiliates.

4. Limitations

In no event shall this website, its authors, or the wedding itself be responsible.

5. Revisions and Errata

Bone Thugs-n-Harmony will not be performing. Nor will Bronson Pinchot, who lovingly portrayed Balki Bartokomus on Perfect Strangers. The pre-Renaissance inspired portrait of him that serves as the backdrop for this website is available for worship.

6. Links

We have not reviewed all of the sites linked to on this website, nor have we redirected all of them to Frederick’s Of Hollywood’s Gift Thong Registry portal, though we have done that for Bed, Bath, and Beyond, which, come on, Bruce; that’s weak sauce.

7. Site Terms of Use Modification

We may revise the terms of use for this website at anytime without notice, which we just did. Your son is now named “Bronson.” If you do not have a son, your closest chestnut-haired acquaintance will be called “Larry Appleton.”

Privacy Policy

Your privacy is nowhere near as important to us as your personal information, which is nowhere near as important to us as our honeymoon. Accordingly, we have infected your computer with malicious spyware. The following constitutes our privacy policy:

We hope to make money for our honeymoon by stealing your information and selling it to:

(i) enemies;

(ii) exes;

(iii) prospective employers;

(iv) grifters;

(v) identity thieves;

(vi) proxy baptism practitioners;

(vii) Bruce;

(viii) Facebook.

We are committed to conducting our business in accordance with these principles in order to ensure that we can afford an all-inclusive resort with several pool bars and ample thong storage.

Thanks for visiting!