Thank you for your $1 donation to the Whole Planet Foundation, which empowers communities with microloans to help alleviate global poverty.

And thank you for buying a reusable Whole Foods bag, which empowers us to charge you 99 cents rather than give you a complimentary recyclable paper bag.

And thank you for buying our CEO’s book, Conscious Capitalism, which empowers Team Members like me to serve you for $15 an hour so we can make the rent on a $1,300-a-month sublet.

And thank you for your purchase of our shea-and-green tea goat milk soap, which will empower a herd of ruminants to revitalize your over-tanned skin from too many afternoons at the tennis club while other people have to work for a living.

And thank you for your purchase of our prepared tabbouleh, which will help empower overinflated quinoa prices, making it unaffordable to the Andean peasants for whom it is a traditional staple.

And thank you for purchasing organic goji berries from our bulk bin section, which empowers you to reduce the amount of wasteful packaging material in the ecosystem, although you’ll probably use the plastic bag to pick up after your Bichon Frise, and it will end up in a landfill near sensitive wetlands.

And thank you for your purchase of our 365 Everyday Value Complete Body Cleanse, which will empower you to purge the accumulated toxins from your booze-and pharmaceutical-addled life of privilege.

And thank you for allowing me to carry your groceries to your Range Rover, which empowers communities with carbon offsets in a Second World dystopia 8,000 miles from my lungs.

Thank you again for empowering us to reinvent capitalism, and have a wonderful rest of your day.