“I must apologize for recent comments of mine that seem to suggest women lack the innate ability that men have to excel in math and the sciences. To be sure, my intention was to spark controversy and debate. But I certainly did not set out to offend anyone, and I regret that my remarks have upset so many people—particularly members of the fair sex, whose delicate sensibilities should not be subjected to this type of emotional distress.”

“I welcome this opportunity to again express regret for my remarks about women, which have caused so much turmoil and bad feeling. I want to assure my female colleagues that I do not question their abilities, nor do I challenge their aptitude for achievement in math, the sciences, engineering, or any other field of endeavor. It is my sincere hope that they can now put this unfortunate incident behind them and won’t worry their pretty little heads about it anymore.”

“My remarks have been seriously misinterpreted and quoted out of context in the media. To any woman who took offense, let me say again that I would never go out of my way to intentionally offend you or challenge your accomplishments or abilities. Surely your feminine intuition tells you this is so.”

“I did not mean to imply that men are superior to women or are better endowed with the skills required to attain mastery in technical pursuits. But let’s be honest: men have always had an edge over women when it comes to achieving success in any field. Ladies, I think you know what I’m talking about. Where would we be without you? Behind every great man, there is a woman.”

“In recent weeks I have tried on several occasions to clear the air regarding my attitudes toward women. Yet some of my female critics still refuse to accept my explanations and continue to express anger, dismay, and outrage toward me. While I do not agree with their strong feelings in the matter, I nevertheless understand them. After all, women are ruled by their emotions and are therefore not susceptible to reason and logic, poor things.”

“No matter how much I apologize, they always want to have the last word. Isn’t that just like a woman?”

“I have apologized repeatedly to the distaff half of the population—I would even say the better half—but it’s never enough. Never enough!”

“I have the greatest respect for them—I was saying so to the little woman just the other day.”

“I’m sorry if I got your knickers in a twist.”

“Ladies, lighten up! It can’t be that time of the month all the time …”

“To paraphrase Sigmund Freud: What do you women want?”