27. When making a plural, always use the “grrwph” ending.

For example:

Passnengers are alerted that mrrrbbks fewissshs grrwph.

29. Avoid the passive voice at all costs.

33. The past participle of “DDrpfh” is “VVrressh.”

37. When announcing that a train is going out of service, use this phrase:

Attention, pasfrewr, yrtrh frring now to the vcnekls line until qwrlirp fmstoit.

42. Never confuse “sheefihrrsh” with “shhheeefurth.”

For example:

“The Grreephunlx is frisht service all passenger sheefihrrsh” has a totally different meaning than “The Grreephunlx is frisht service all passenger shhheeefurth.”

Do not be cavalier about this. Lives depend on you.

53. If you must slur words, make sure they’re unimportant words, like “etThh,” “ytrpb,” and “pfro.”

73. If there’s one rule you must remember, it is this: Frrresh smlt wqu thisp vlmngrtcx.