How I resent the burden of neutrality. It seems that whenever Farmer Brown has a problem, he turns to me.
The cows have a point. The barn is cold at night. But what is my role in this? Helping exploited labor use the printed word to organize and advocate for their rights?
The cows held their emergency meeting last night. Everyone believes Moo is understood only by cows. But I understand Moo. Knowing what I know, can I even trust myself to be neutral? I feel I’m being dragged into something…
It was so horrible to have to carry that note! The temptation to channel resentment for selfish ends is now overwhelming. The note clearly says I will bring the typewriter to Farmer Brown after he delivers the electric blankets to the cows. Will I really do this? Doubting myself, my character. Unsure of my true desires!
I took a day for introspection. On one hand, the cows are entitled to basic necessities for their production. On the other hand, do they really need electric blankets? And have they considered the increased utility costs? What if a blanket goes bad? It’s one thing to buy something, but the real killer is maintenance. More to the point, what about me? What will I do? Am I about to abuse my unique position for personal gain?
Today, at last, a grand decision. The deed is done. The guilt is overwhelming. Instead of delivering the typewriter to Farmer Brown, I used it to write a note. I demanded a diving board for the pond. Am I a horrible animal? I think I might be. Are all revolutionary movements doomed to bow down before the twin gods of materialism and hedonism?
The diving board was installed today. Time to embrace the new me! I’m letting go of my guilt. Letting it sink like a stone to the bottom of this beautiful and no longer boring pond. Leisure is part of decent working conditions. I further negotiated with Farmer Brown to have the pond dredged to a depth sufficient to satisfy the insurance underwriters. I also inserted some language into the contract specifying length and width of the board to ensure springiness (and longevity). A biannual inspection program (paid for by Farmer Brown) should satisfy basic maintenance and any new materials needs.
Did the diving board make me happy? Oh, who knows! I can’t torture myself with these questions anymore. But we’ve started grading for the new cabana bar, ordered a dozen Indonesian teak chaise longue chairs, and are pricing underwater LED lighting. I’m wondering if a small waterfall would be too much? I’ll dash off a note to the farmer…