Hang on. I just gotta finish this… aaaaaaand sent. Sup, Ebenezer. Ebenezer? I love that name, man. It’s crazy. That’s such a cool name. What is that, Swedish?

I’m the ghost of Millennial Christmas Future. Be sure to tag me as #FutureGhost or just #Future. I’ll totally be sure to tag your company in any social we do tonight. I love these social media takeovers, man. They’re such a great way to build brands. Speaking of building, let’s talk about this capital you’re sitting on at Scrooge & Marley. Have you ever thought about investing in startups? Let’s fast forward to 2017. Is it cool if I livestream this?

Hey fam, I’m out here with my best friend #Ebenezer, just takin’ a glimpse into what the future holds if he continues down his current path of insulation and moral trepidation. Be sure to like and subscribe, and if you have a suggestion about where we should go next, tell us in the comments below. First up, we’re gonna see what my friend Dave’s up to.

See that guy wearing the pashmina over by that organic bone broth bar? That’s Dave. He just launched this new app, CoCo. It delivers fresh, organic coconuts straight to your door weekly for $12.99/month. It’s really going to disrupt the home delivery market. Cool, right?

But here’s the sad thing — Dave won’t be able to get a single round of funding unless you change your penny-pinching ways and start investing in new breakthrough ideas. Try the app. Use this referral code and we’ll both get two free coconuts.

#Ebenezer, I’m gonna be real with you. Right now, I’m looking at you and I see a guy who needs to recenter his inner spirit. See that dreary-ass looking office building? The one nobody’s taking any selfies in front of? That’s the Scrooge & Marley firm in 2017, unless you start doing Bikram yoga like, right now, bro. My friend Aditya got me into it last year and holy fucking shit am I calm now. I don’t even drink coffee or caffeine anymore. Although it’s hard to say no to a good Yerba Mate every now and then, am I right? It’s like a natural energy drink. Why don’t we take a quick twenty-minute recharge and meet by that juice bar to talk about reshaping your brand?

Thanks for meeting me, E.B. Can I call you E.B? I got you a carrot juice. Let’s talk about your name, “Scrooge & Marley.” Names are everything these days, man. My friend Nick just sold a ramen bar on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica called “Third Street Ramenade” without even showing anyone a menu. $3 million dollars just for a fucking name, bro! People will throw money at you if you have a good name to pitch them. What if we just called it “Level?” Or “nVest?” Fuck, that’s good. If you don’t use nVest, can I use it?

Wait. What about instead of investing, you pivot to focus on shaking up the fashion industry by mailing people high-end clothing handpicked monthly by professional designers for them to try on in their own home? If they like it, they can keep it. If they don’t, they can send it back, free of charge. Think about it while I run into this Starbucks to charge my phone…

Thanks for waiting, man. I got you a frap. You’re not into the mailable fashion idea? NBD, bro. I’m just gonna leave you with my friend Chrissi’s number. She’s all about this kind of stuff. Her LinkedIn is at the bottom too. Let’s head back to your time.

Now that we’re back in 19th-century London, let’s take a quick fifteen and have a brainstorming sesh about ways we can improve your workspace. No haters, just ideas. I’m gonna go check out that bar down the street…

Thanks for meeting me back here at your office, Ebeneezy. I brought you a gluten-free beer. I can’t believe they had it! Man, this office is so dark. You know what would look great in that corner instead of the ghost of your deceased former business partner? Three words — Ping. Pong. Table.

What’s the break room situation like in here? You don’t let your employees take breaks? Bro, breaks are so, so important to keeping employees motivated. You think I just come up with these ideas by working hard? No man, you gotta stay fresh. Let’s get an espresso machine in here, maybe have some monthly craft beer tastings. I know it sounds like overhead, but trust me, the more comfortable your employees are at work, the more likely they are to stay late and work on new ideas for your brand.

Right now it looks like you’ve got this Bob Cratchit dude coming in to work on Christmas. Have you considered letting people work from home? New studies show that letting employees work from home just one day a week can improve workplace morale by over 60%. And the best part is, you can write off those hours as worked in your offices for property tax. It’s a win-win, man.

Now, check this out. This is your office in 2017, complete with all the changes we talked about today. There’s a ton of young talent from some of the hottest recruitment firms. Look how happy everyone is! You know why? They get to work three days from home, we offer in-house yoga classes, weekly beer tastings and a top-of-the-line espresso bar in the break room. Plus, you guys don’t even invest anymore! You do the mail-in fashion thing you loved earlier!

Alright man, looks like our time is up. I’ll send you the bill. #GodBlessUsEveryOne!