Okay, here we go. Keep the beat.

One two three four, two two three, pa rum pum pum pum, two three four, four two three four

Good. This is good. Panicked when I saw everybody else had presents but now it looks like I actually planned this. (pa rum pum pum pum)

It’s better than those other gifts anyway, right? Presents you make yourself are the best. (pa rum pum pum pum)

I mean, that one guy basically just gave him money. Everybody agrees that’s the lowest form of gift-giving. (pa rum pum pum pum)

Although, actually… why is that? From worst present to best it’s money, gift card, store-bought thing you can exchange for another thing, and then homemade thing you can’t. (pa rum pum pum pum)

It’s like: the more generally useful something is, the worse present it makes. (pa rum pum pum pum pum)

Whoops, too many pums. Idiot! Get your head in the game, two… three. (pa rum pum pum pum)

Anyway. I guess when it comes to gifts, all you’re ever really giving is your thoughtfulness. Gold is thoughtless, and, like, a popsicle-stick ornament isn’t. (pa rum pum pum pum)

And incense falls somewhere in between? Those guys probably just stopped at a bed-bath store on the way. (pa rum pum pum pum)

Although — seriously — how thoughtful is a drum solo really? This is the last thing these people needed right now. (pa rum pum pum pum)

Actually I guess the literal last thing they needed was to give birth next to a donkey. (pa rum pum pum pum)

Dammit, Todd, you always do this! You gotta make everything about you! I’ll play my drum for him. Great fucking idea. (pa rum pum pum pum)

I’ll get him a real present tomorrow — always lots of sales after Christmas.