On cheapskates:
A penny for your thoughts, but I expect change.

On misguided ambition:
The early bird gets the worm. Some reward!

On slacking:
Your homework is like a juicy steak — rarely done!

On clumsiness:
Don’t jump to conclusions — you may fall flat on your face.

On carnivorous behavior:
Mary had a little lamb … and a side order of fries.

On compulsive disorders:
You can count on others, but it’s better to use your fingers and toes.

On the failure of the educational system:
Beware of falling objects — like your grades.

On victimization:
You are a very responsible person. When something goes wrong, people always think you’re responsible.

On evasive action:
Don’t do today what you can put off until tomorrow.

On personal hygiene:
It’s time to make an important change. Start with your socks.

On greed:
Money is the root of all evil. Who wants to be good, anyway?

On dairy desserts as they relate to automobiles:
He who eats ice cream in a car is a sundae driver.

On egotistical aqualife:
Don’t fish for complaints. Some people might think you’re shellfish.

On humor deficiency:
He who laughs last obviously didn’t get the joke.

On social outcasts:
Find yourself. Play hide-and-go-seek alone.

On abusive relationships:
If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, you’re not thinking hard enough.

On failure:
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing it wrong.