1. High esteem is like a potato. Peel it and fry it in some butter.

2. It’s too late for you to be the first person on the moon, but it’s not too late for you to complain about it.

3. Remember the rules of electricity: positive attracts negative. So be negative to attract the positive. Also, negative repels negative. Double win!

4. Use the Internet more, because the Internet is not going to use itself.

5. Think of some possession you’re grateful for. Is it food? Is it TV? OK, I give up.

6. You can’t change people. They have to change themselves. Just like babies.

7. One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. Add it up and you get one big poisonous-meat-terrorist freedom fighter.