Fellas, it’s tough out there. After going unchecked since the onset of time, a day of reckoning has come for men. More than just being held accountable for our actions, we men are being asked to make amends for previous misconduct and to try to seem genuine in doing so. Being a man in the 21st century means no one ever listening to you or feeling sympathy for you, even when you’re stuck in a hole at a state park that’s closed for renovation. That’s how tough it has become to be a man these days.

Whether on the internet, at coffee shops, or in the local grocery, no one is interested in listening to what men have to say. Perhaps this stems from men being systematically placed in positions of power, or maybe it’s something else, but the thoughts and opinions of men seem to hold no real weight these days. This is especially challenging for me as I spend my seventh hour stuck in this hole.

After falling into the hole while blissfully listening to a Barstool Sports podcast, I immediately began shouting and calling for help. But my pleas fell on deaf ears, and I eventually lost my voice. Typing away on my Notes app, I’ve come to the startling realization that perhaps it’s a combination of people not hearing my screams due to the remote nature of the hole, or quite possibly, people ignoring my cries because I’m a man. I think the latter is more likely.

Not only are the thoughts and opinions of men viewed as dull and inconsequential, generally speaking, no one seems to feel a lot of sympathy for the plight of men either. Don’t they understand how challenging it is to be able to do whatever you want without consequences for so long and then suddenly being told that you have to follow basic societal rules like everyone else? Evidently not.

Sitting in this hole, with the blazing sun shining overhead and the sound of buzzards growing increasingly near, I’m struck by the feeling that no one feels bad for me whatsoever. Shedding crocodile tear after crocodile tear and trying my best to remember the Lord’s Prayer, not a soul has stopped to help me. Again, this could be because the park is officially closed, but it’s just as likely that it’s because I’m a man. Whether we’re complaining about not being able to use the same slang words we did ten years ago or begging for our lives in an impossibly deep hole on a hot day, no one feels bad for men anymore.

You know it’s gotten rough for men when they’re willing to take some small semblance of responsibility for their past actions or conversational miscalculations, but people completely disregard their apology, suggesting that it was insincere or coerced. Sure, the apologies usually say something about being sorry if their actions/comments were “misinterpreted,” but an apology is an apology.

Sitting in this hole, hallucinating about a trip to Flagstaff I took with my grandmother when I was six, I’ve taken to making amends to God, or whatever higher power might exist. I’ve apologized for treating people poorly, and for not listening, and for not being open to change, and for emulating the men who I looked up to when I was young, despite there being considerable evidence that these men should not have been considered role models. I’ve also apologized profusely for ignoring the signs that said PARK CLOSE FOR RENOVATIONS. But with my lack of cell phone service, absence of water, and weariness at the sound of Dave Portnoy’s voice, I don’t think my apologies have been heard, nor have they been accepted. Being a man these days means having the Almighty Creator not send a sign that your prayers have been answered and that help is on the way.

Simply put, it’s not cool to be a man right now and it’s even less cool to be a man stuck in a hole for thirteen hours, but maybe some accountability needs to be taken. Perhaps there is a reason that no one wants to listen to men, that people feel skepticism in believing men, and that no one is compelled to forgive the half-assed apologies men so often give. There’s a chance that this entry in my Notes App will be the last anyone ever hears from me, so on behalf of all men, I want to say…

Never mind: I ended up getting saved by a hot lady who is also a park ranger if you can believe it. Asked her for her number but she declined. Oh well. Her loss!