Blaming “liberals” for all fumbles.

Deliberately switches names in color commentary: Barry Sanders with Barry Goldwater; Bart Starr with Ken Starr; NFC West division with the John Birch Society; etc.

Thinks any play call other than the Statue of Liberty is un-American.

Unable to keep from mentioning Clinton every time the QB puts his hands under center.

Hordes of under-educated, neanderthal fans scribbling notes demanding the return of the NFL analyst that truly speaks to them: Dennis Miller.

Tearful Nielsen viewers still not finished grieving over cancellation of Jake and the Fatman prove that America not yet ready for another portly man on TV.

Evil, maniacal laughter often interrupts co-hosts.

Failed attempts to replace Hank Williams Jr. promos with Lee Greenwood.

Apparent belief that the New England Patriots were voted into existence by Congress in October 2001.

Titanic fistfight with John Madden over catering table in booth.

Thinks rushing statistics refer to his radio show ratings.

Bengals fan.