“Whoever this person is, they spelled Emily Dickinson’s name wrong. What a stupid shithead.”
— Mario, on stupid people

“I love Emily Dickinson, she is so awesome.”
— Mario, on poetry.

“Do you know what my desire is? My desire is to eat something… CITRUSY… [Mario picks up a clementine.] And look, here I have it, Carolyn Y. Johnson.”
— Mario, on the importance of Vitamin C

“My heart’s going to stop beating in thirty seconds. That is a prime number.”
— Mario, on mathematics, incorrectly

“First of all, I just drank a bunch of coke and coffee. I think I have had too much caffeine. I have had a cup of coffee and three Dr. Peppers and two Cokes, but that doesn’t mean I have to go insane.”
— Mario, on mental illness

“It is no longer 2 a.m., it is now 3 a.m. It is no longer 2 a.m. This means that there is no longer 2 a.m.”
— Mario, on the mysterious passage of time

“And now I have to go fucking take a leak! I can’t believe this shit.”
— Mario, on having to go fucking take a leak

“Why does it all go away in one second, in one minute, in 1.2 seconds, why can’t happiness exist for more than one second? Why must it all end in despair?”
— Mario, on happiness and its ephemeral nature

— Mario, on technology

“I feel like I’m on ecstasy or something.”
— Mario, on how he feels

“I can’t even… I am not even seeing straight anymore.”
— Mario, on some kind of problem that he’s having lately

— Mario, on the problem and how it worsens

“I am giddy!”
— Mario, on how he feels now