There’s a hot new fashion trend that’s everywhere this season. Does it look familiar? You probably wore it the last time it was in style, until suddenly, we here at Big Fashion declared it only for USDA-certified geeks. But now it’s back. Wait, are you still wearing that trend? Because now it’s morbidly uncool again.

Did you purge all your bulky mom jeans in the early aughts because we deemed them “grotesque” and “strictly for Olds”? That’s unfortunate. Now, they’re being flaunted by all the hottest runway models, the entire cast of Euphoria, and your preteen cousin who thinks your very existence on this planet is “cringy.” Newsflash: mom jeans are here to stay.

By the way, you’re not still wearing mom jeans, are you? Those haven’t been cool since the beginning of this paragraph. Do you exclusively read Out Of Touch magazine? We can tell.

Let’s talk bucket hats. Are you wearing one, or are you not wearing one? Both answers are incorrect. Lately, everyone who doesn’t repulse us is wearing two bucket hats strung together into a really floppy, unsupportive bra.

Don’t even get us started on the part in your hair. That’s right, even the direction in which your hair flows from your scalp can be mortifying. In fashion, there are no small parts—only small people who part their hair like huge dweebs.

Look, we know you try to keep your finger on the pulse. But you can’t be trying that hard when that finger is clearly displaying a French manicure (previously the height of elegance, now the height of a crusty landfill, which is where we wish you’d send that barfy bucket hat bra).

After several decades of watching the same trends cycle through being deemed hot and then hideous and then hot again, you might think there’s no rhyme or reason to it all. You may even wonder whether the whole point is to trick people into getting rid of perfectly good stuff so they’ll just replace it with new stuff. After all, isn’t fashion simply about keeping capitalism, ageism, and classism humming along in perfect harmony?

And to that, we say: Sorry, we couldn’t hear anything you just said because are you seriously wearing cowboy boots right now? Those haven’t been cool since—wow, actually, as of this sentence, it looks like they’re having a comeback. You got lucky this time, partner. But don’t count on it ever happening again.