This is an announcement from your Fire Safety Administrator. I’m sorry to interrupt your working day by shouting over the building’s intercom like this, but I wanted to let everyone know that we will be conducting a test of the building’s fire-alarm system shortly. These frequent tests are essential to your well-being in the event of an emergency, so we urge you to be patient during this test so we can ensure your safety in the future. This is only a test of the system, not a fire drill, so there will be no need to leave the building at this time. Thank you again for your patience.
Hello, this is your Fire Safety Administrator again. I just wanted to add that, should you need or want to leave the building, you are free to do so. If everyone suddenly decided that they wanted to leave the building all at the same time for some reason, I guess that would be OK. But that kind of coordinated movement, however unlikely, would be a purely voluntary action on your part.
Hello, this is your Fire Safety Administrator once more. That alarm sound you just heard was not really the one I was supposed to test today. Apparently, I pressed the wrong button down here at the call box. That series of three short blasts was actually the alarm that goes off in the event of a gas leak. You’ll be hearing the fire alarm shortly.
Fire Safety Administrator here again. I just took a look at my work order, and it says that I actually do have to test the gas alarm. The problem is, since I didn’t know I had to test the gas alarm, I spent three minutes struggling to turn it off instead of paying attention to whether it was working properly. So I’ll have to perform a gas-alarm test as well. But first things first: we’re gonna bang out that fire-alarm test, so I’ll get that one out of the way in a jiffy. In case you’re wondering, the fire alarm is more of a traditional rising siren-type sound. If I had to compare it to anything, I’d say it sounds a lot like the second phase of a standard car alarm. You know, the one that starts low and ends high.
It’s me again. That fire alarm will be coming up in just a sec. I just wanted to reassure everyone that, in the event of an emergency, it won’t be necessary for the building’s occupants to identify the different type of signals we use. We discussed this down at headquarters, and we decided that requiring you to do so would be counterproductive to the whole point of alarms. We didn’t want people sitting around wondering, “Is that a fire alarm or a gas alarm, or something else I haven’t heard before?” when what they really should do is flee the building. So, in an emergency, feel no need to stop and wonder exactly what kind of alarm is being sounded. If you hear something loud and piercing, please just leave the building.
One more thing—oh, this is the Fire Safety Administrator again, by the way. I know I just said that if you hear something loud and piercing you should leave the building. Obviously, you should restrict this advice to sounds that are clearly mechanical alarms. I wouldn’t want people bolting from their desks at the sound of some receptionist’s shrill laughter, or when they heard that weird music the guy from IT likes to play in his iTunes. At least, not en masse, as a building. How individuals choose to react to these other, nonalarm sounds is perfectly up to them.
OK, THIS IS THE FIRE-ALARM TEST. THIS IS THE FIRE ALARM BEING TESTED. THIS IS ONLY A TEST.
Hello, this is your Fire Safety Administrator. I made an announcement during the fire-alarm test, but it just occurred to me that you probably didn’t hear it, since the test surely drowned me out. In any case, that fire alarm was only a test, as I said before. Thank you for your patience and cooperation, and I look forward to our next fire-alarm test this afternoon at 3 o’clock.