The five stages of grief if you’re Tony Snow:

1. Neither confirm nor deny grief

2. Spend all afternoon angrily stabbing a voodoo doll of Helen Thomas with a lit cigarette

3. Refuse to take questions regarding grief; later, imply that questioners are unpatriotic

4. Go several days too depressed to lie about anything, not even national security

5. Finally admit to grief, but insist that enduring years of deep-seated anguish was part of the plan all along