10. The Kinks, Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire)
The Kinks aren’t as polished as the Beatles or as cool as the Stones, but man, I have such a soft spot for the Davies boys. This record is just a straight-up masterpiece. Please don’t send me to die on Skull Island.
9. Sam Cooke, The Man and His Music
Purists will probably say picking a compilation album is cheating, but come on! Are you really gonna force me to choose between “A Change Is Gonna Come” and “You Send Me”? You might as well force me onto an island as sacrifice to almighty Ba’al. Haha. Please turn the boat around.
8. Fleetwood Mac, Rumours
Those harmonies! Those guitars! That sun-kissed California sound! I feel like I could listen to this album forever. Or at least 30 hours, the expected battery life of an iPod Nano, which you’ve given me to distract myself as I slowly perish on Skull Island.
7. Marvin Gaye, What’s Going On
THIS WON’T BRING BACK THE RAIN, YOU MONSTERS. YOU’VE BEEN SACRIFICING ONE MAN PER MONTH FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS AND STILL NO RAIN. CAN WE AT LEAST CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT BA’AL ISN’T LOOKING FOR MORE ISLAND SACRIFICES? Love this album, though. Great album.
6. Joni Mitchell, Blue
Guys. You don’t have to do this. Underneath your cloaks and ceremonial bird masks, I know you’re just people, like me. Please. Bird Man In The Front? I’m begging you, Front Bird. I have a wife and a son and they depend on me and hey, what’s that?
5. Paul Simon, Graceland
(grunting, struggling, as 10 men in bird masks whoop my ass)
4. The Beach Boys, Pet Sounds
Okay, you’re all very strong. I thought maybe I could slip off the back of the boat, but now I see that under those cloaks, you’re all surprisingly muscular Bird Men. That was a mistake and I hope we can move past it. If you accept my apology, just keep chanting and smearing my forehead with sacred oils. Cool cool.
3. The Beatles, Abbey Road
2. Elvis Costello, My Aim Is True
They’ll come for you, too, someday. Listen. Someday soon they’ll run out of Offerings and then what do you think they’ll do, you monsters? You surprisingly muscular monsters? They’ll come for you and then you’ll be the oily one on the island with the iPod Nano. We’ve got to be better than this! Front Bird. Other Birds. We’ve got to work together! Otherwise, whatever shred of humanity we’re trying to save is already gone. Forget about the Drought of Eight Years And Counting! We’re killing ourselves here.
1. Smash Mouth, “Walking On The Sun” Single
Just included this one as a goof.