1. The more solemn you are, the more God loves you.

2. We have food here and we meet in the back room of an art gallery.

3. Women should only be seen in conservative denim because God is an Old Navy shareholder.

4. We’re white but we love black people even though there are none here.

5. Everyone is black and knows what voice part they’re supposed to be.

6. Not a cult but highly encouraging of members giving time and money in an unhealthy way (like two social norms away from being a cult).

7. Cult.

8. This is basically a Bed Bath & Beyond with Latin.

9. We smile a lot and make baskets.

10. I’m a white man who knows more about death than you because I wear all black and can’t be open about masturbation.

11. There’s no rules here! God is whatever you feel it is! Do you want a cookie? We’re all Aunts!

12. We’re rich and this is more of a social thing because we were all raised this way and the veneer of faith is more important than meaningful daily action.

13. We’re middle class and public rigidity is where we thrive.

14. This mass is in Spanish and everyone is happy.

15. We have bible study three nights a week and getting married at 19 is an option.

16. Mostly here for the architecture.

17. We’re cool and young! Are you in middle school and lonely and confused? You should believe in God! We have doughnuts!

18. I spend my Spring Break saving people I’m better than! That’s why Jesus loves ME.

19. You can’t show your shoulders in here because God might get a boner.

20. Being gay isn’t a sin.

21. Jewish church.

22. Funeral.