Congratulations! Your genetics have selected you to go to Gray: a remote, island hideaway exclusively for women. Your journey begins the moment you look into the mirror on the morning of your 32nd birthday. We look forward to having you.

Gray Travel Advisory: While abundant in natural beauty, the island’s harsh environmental conditions make it almost impossible to live here year-round. Many women do not last more than three months on Gray. A staggering 75% dye. But for those that survive, we reward them with peace and quiet. Our longest-staying residents report a feeling of complete invisibility.

Please read the following FAQ before starting your journey:

What ID do I need to bring?
Throw away your passport and your license; on Gray, we automatically assume you are 10 years older than you actually are.

What clothes should I pack?
Pack what you would normally pack when going blonde or brunette, and then throw 99% of it out! The socks can stay. You’ll feel most comfortable on Gray wearing monochromatic, shapeless frocks or anything that says, “My best reproductive years are behind me.” Do not bring a bathing suit. If you don’t have these items, our gift shop is always running a sale on tunics.

How do I get to Gray?
Buckle up! We’ve booked a series of increasingly demoralizing layovers and checkpoints designed to erode your self-confidence and poke holes in your extremely thin argument that “Going Gray is empowering,” or whatever. At the end of your four-day journey, you will be cross-examined by a panel of your mom’s toughest friends who will demand to know, why are you doing this to yourself, now, when you have your whole, young, life ahead of you?

Can my husband come?
That’s your choice! We encourage all couples to go Gray together, though we make it infinitely easier for men to get there. Your husband will be taking a one-hour, direct flight, in a private jet that drops him off at the island bar. It will be happy hour.

What kinds of animals will I see?
Husbands who choose to remain on Gray become Silver Foxes. You will see a lot of wildlife on the island, but this invasive species is our biggest threat. DO NOT FEED THEIR EGOS. Depriving them of female attention causes their confidence level to plummet and eventually they recede into the wilderness, with their tail between their legs.

Is the food good, at least?
It won’t kill you. We’ll give you a variety of unseasoned meals to choose from, but unfortunately, we can only offer salt and pepper to our esteemed male visitors. Trust us, it won’t raise the profile of the meal or the woman. We’ve tried.

Who else knows about the island?
Each year, we’re flooded with thousands of visitors who come to gawk and ask unsolicited questions about what it’s like to go Gray. As an ambassador of the Gray community, it is your job to overstate the dangers of living here so that even the most open-minded visitors run away screaming at the thought of going Gray 24/7.

What if I’m regretting my decision to go Gray?
At any time you can access the emergency, “We Told You So” fund set up by your mom’s friends. They are already waiting at the airport to pick you up.