Sum 41: You have ghosted an employer.
All Time Low: Socially awkward things you said as a 13-year-old are one of the main causes of your insomnia.
Cartel: You wonder about your Tamagotchi.
Dashboard Confessional: You have lost a Hit Clip in a suburban skate park.
Can’t Swim: You have injured someone trying to apply their eyeliner.
Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows: You have attempted and failed to convert a Monster Energy can into a bong.
The Early November: 90% of your cigarettes are bummed.
Hey Monday: Your sexual awakening was Christy Carlson Romano yelling in Cadet Kelley.
Never Shout Never: You consider yourself goth, weather permitting.
Something Corporate: You have thrown up from drinking too much Five Alive.
Sorority Noise: You have thrown up in a Hot Topic.
Forever the Sickest Kids: You have childhood trauma involving a Hot Topic.
Fall Out Boy: You waited until your mid-20s to start dating boys on skateboards.
Get Scared: You are confident you could do a stick and poke tattoo with a kilt pin.
Further Seems Forever: You have a Seeking Arrangement profile.
Hey Mercedes: You have linked toes with a significant other.
Piebald: You have never zipped off your convertible zip-off pants.
Hot Rod Circuit: You believe a day without decorative mesh is a day wasted.
Fireworks: You have wept while watching ancient alien conspiracy theories on YouTube.
Boys Like Girls: You have wept while watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
The All-American Rejects: You have wept while watching National Treasure.
Jack’s Mannequin: You are actively looking for used PT Cruisers on Craigslist.
Thursday: You need a girlfriend.
The Anniversary: You had a pregnancy scare before you had sex for the first time.
Jimmy Eat World: Guitar Hero gave you chronic carpal tunnel syndrome.
Saves the Day: Bop It gave you chronic carpal tunnel syndrome.
Moose Blood: You have exited an Applebee’s on a stretcher.
Cute Is What We Aim For: You hollowed out a copy of Ulysses to hide drugs from your parents.
Boston Manor: You moved out of your parents’ house mostly to keep a rat as a pet.
The Ataris: You have only worked as a promoter.
Real Friends: You only date promoters.
Northstar: You have eaten a Tide Pod.
Brandtson: You are intrigued by the Flat Earther movement.
The Juliana Theory: You have been dumped in an Urban Outfitters.
Midtown: You have a favorite bathroom stall.
Meg & Dia: You have a favorite serial killer.
Knapsack: The fact that scientists have started finding antidepressants in fish tissue factored into you becoming a pescatarian.
Gwen Stacy: You consider coffee a probiotic.
Matchbook Romance: You have told Alexa to play “Africa” by Toto.
Metro Station: You have sipped cough syrup out of a participation trophy.
Hawthorne Heights: You are saving up for a dirt bike.
Alkaline Trio: Rewatching the episode of The Office where Kevin spills chilli is your most powerful coping mechanism.
The Academy Is…: Your skinny jeans frequently cut off circulation to your legs.
Amber Pacific: You have never verbally expressed interest in a sexual partner.
New Found Glory: You have never taken your phone off low-power mode.
Simple Plan: You know how to make a crop top out of a pair of fishnets.
The Cab: You have read Sylvia Plath’s Ariel waiting for your vibrator to charge.
Panic! at the Disco: You have chain-smoked with a sheet mask on.
The Used: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.
We the Kings: You have cut cocaine with an Olive Garden gift card.
My Chemical Romance: You have ruined several tablecloths playing with candle wax as an adult.
Paramore: You know what emotional labor is.
Tonight Alive: You take great pains to make sure everyone around you knows what emotional labor is.
Good Charlotte: You’re pretty good at tuning out your girlfriend.
Rainer Maria: You have selected crystals as your higher power for AA.
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: You use ‘lol’ as punctuation.
Linkin Park: You cannot argue without crying.
The Get Up Kids: You know your dog’s birthdate.
The Promise Ring: You know your dog’s deathdate.
The Rocket Summer: You own at least two Tiffany dog tag necklaces.
Weezer: You own a formal pair of cargo shorts.
Taking Back Sunday: You have recurring dreams about Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2.
Brand New: You have cosplayed as Edgar Allen Poe.
Armor for Sleep: You have cosplayed as Shrek.
Blink 182: You have never paid attention to a DON’T CONSUME ALCOHOL WHILE ON THIS MEDICATION, and everything has gone fine so far, so it’s probably fine.
Tokio Hotel: You’re considering Law School.