Garcella Thomas. Her assistant rang me on the set of Dessert First and sent over a bunch of dreamy dresses. Dessert First is about a thief who bakes a cake before leaving the crime scene. Can I say that? Marty said promote or perish. Hi, Marty! It was called Baker, Baker until the lawsuit this winter. Variety had the item. I love Garcella. I met her once. The movie comes out in June. “Just add water, June 27th.” Seen the spot?
My shoes are Tracy Greenfield. The buckles are Swedish. InStyle says buckles and the Swedish are back. I know, they’re leather, and as a lacto-vegan I’m usually against leather footwear, though I’m for the Swedish and totally support buckles. The cow who helped me dress for this evening was depressed and had sworn off cud. It didn’t have any relatives left except this one other cow it didn’t like. Then there was a pig but the pig left. My manager called the farm and got all the info. The cow was a Swede, too, which is a coincidence. Lacto-vegan means I can drink milk, a fact that has made starring in a film about pastry easier. No sugar, though, ever. Honey is okay sometimes but I never wear anything made from bees, like those baby-bee tees at Fred Segal. Never. They don’t fit me anyhow, in the arms. Since the Pilates. Tracy’s the complete best. We haven’t met but my feet have enjoyed getting to know his shoes.
Don’t you adore it? My purse is a creation by Andy. Andy is my brother, my sister, my angel, my North Star, my guidance counselor, but biologically my cousin. He’s got a shop on Melrose next to that famous pita place. He wanted me to carry a pita as a purse and nibble it during the show. We discovered a pita will hold a lipstick and credit card though it holds hummus and lettuce better. So no pita. I can’t eat the bag I went with. It’s made of tulle, which is French for “not totally different from lace.” Hi, Andy!
Thank you, yes, it is an awesome pin. It’s got fourteen diamonds. It was my grandmother’s. It was the last thing she grabbed before fleeing the small garret when the gendarmes arrived unannounced. My dialogue coach said I should create a “hero history” for every object I own. The pin’s actual history is it comes from Bloomingdale’s, a big department store full of many clothes and accessories. You can find one in Beverly Hills and all over. I bought the pin there last Saturday and I didn’t have to flee from any gendarmes, only this one fan who was kind of nice but kind of wanted to write on me.
Almost forgot, Mark of Silverlake did my hair. He said if I won I should mention him and he’d give me 50 percent off for life. He also said I should tell everyone he is completely done with his bun phase. No more buns, ladies. That whole chignon thing is finished with a capital Fin. He swears. And he publicly apologizes if he forced any unwilling participant to wear a bun against her own better judgment. Hi, Mark! Don’t forget our deal.
I see Nicole coming down the line, I’ll hurry. Um, the silk blossom in my hair is by Sean Bailey at Roses Supposes. Nails, Sky Hunter at Hands Down on Third Street. Freckle Enhancement is the amazing work of Jonathan at SkinStore near the Beverly Center. Stockings, Robert Gumm’s Underthings Only of Culver City and Burbank. Elbow Deblemisher, Elbow Deblemishing by Martin. Eyeliner, Ian Hubert for Eyes and Ears. Ear Highlighter, Ear You Are. Sorry, Ian, your ear stuff just didn’t blend for me, can I say that on television?
Okay, here’s Nicole, thank you so much, thank you, and thank you to everyone who dressed me, I owe part of tonight’s nomination to your amazing art talents and your knowledge of thread and things like thread. Hi, Nicole, awesome gown, okay, bye, thank you again! Dessert First is coming to theaters. Just add water, June 27th.