Dear members of the House of Hype,

Greetings. My name is Ralph Waldo Emerson. I am a famous philosopher of the mid-nineteenth century. I write today to request to join your Hype House, in the hopes of advancing my works in poetry and philosophy, developing my thoughts on God and man, and also securing free housing in the hills of Los Angeles.

First off, do not be mistaken; I am quite wealthy myself. As an active lecturer, I’ve been able to support my family and buy land and a house with many rooms such as yours. I also have a wife and children. However, I could not pass up an opportunity to intermingle with other thought leaders and artists at the helm of experiential living. To be firm in one’s thoughts, capture the light in one’s mind, and share it with the world on screen, such as by pranking one’s girlfriend with a fake marriage proposal—that is pure genius, my friends!

I intend to share my own content in tandem with yours, which has received recognition around the globe. I am confident that your audiences will embrace my poetry and philosophical lectures as they do your shirtless dance videos. I suspect the earnings for a spoken-word performance of my collection of poems will reap in abundance alongside your thirst traps.

As the leader of transcendental thought, I am a simple man to live with. I enjoy long walks on the beach, writing poetry, and engaging in philosophical discussions about life and the individual’s role in society. For the most part, I would probably be shut in my study like parents trapped in their room during high school house parties. In this way, we will surely get along. Your five-million-dollar house will assuredly benefit from the addition of another outspoken Caucasian man.

I would be humbled to be considered for housing in the Hype House. Please bring it to my awareness if I do in fact pass the vibe check.

Ralph Waldo Emerson