McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.

March 9, 2017

Lists

Words Jay-Z Intersperses in Songs As He Approaches Fifty

by Sarah Sweeney

Uhh…

What?

Extra strength

Tylenol

Yes

Lumbar support

What?

Safety features

Uhh… uhh…

Electric light bill

What?

The Frick Collection

Lipitor

Yes

Arch support

Dow Jones

What?

Ergonomic

Jessica Fletcher

Uhh… uhh… huh?

Bursitis

What?

Shock absorbency

Tums

Yes

Pinot Grigio

Roth IRA

What?

Discount coffee

Yes

What?

As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.

Become a patron

Trending 🔥

December 21, 2020

Things I Didn’t Have on My 2020 Bingo Card Bingo

by Kimberly Harrington
January 14, 2021

I Am the Designer of This Restaurant’s Outdoor Seating Space, and This Is My Artist’s Statement

by Simon Henriques
January 13, 2021

Excerpts from the Sex and the City Revival in Which Samantha Is Replaced with Fran Lebowitz

by Tom Smyth
January 11, 2021

Grendel Should Not Have Rampaged Through Our Capitol, But Slaying Him Will Only Further Divide Our Clans

by Nick Morgan

Recently

January 15, 2021

New Irregular Verb Conjugations

by Elizabeth Preston
January 15, 2021

Even I, Satan, Am Appalled at the State of the Republican Party

by Carlos Greaves
January 15, 2021

Short Conversations With Poets: Henri Cole

by Ilya Kaminsky
January 15, 2021

This Satire Article Was Not Optimized for Search Engine Optimization

by Geoff Waite

McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Words Jay-Z Intersperses in Songs As He Approaches Fifty

by Sarah Sweeney

An Open Letter to Coastal Living Magazine

Why I Wait Until the Third Date to Have Sex and Also Take This Paper Bag Off My Head

Suggested Reads

Trending 🔥

Recently