Dear Valued Crafter,

We regret to inform you that your request for a booth at Tulsa’s Renegade Craft Fair has been denied. This decision was based on the following reasons:

  • The craft samples you submitted contain no bodily fluids/cigarette burns/traces of methamphetamines.
  • Your embroidery contains a noticeable lack of vaginal imagery and/or your needlework was not crafted for vagina-related purposes.
  • Your metalwork sample is not sufficiently subversive. To be truly “renegade,” metal should be reclaimed from a formerly oppressive source. Examples of “renegade” metalwork include bracelets constructed from reclaimed chastity belts, or the conversion of Eisenhower-era door hinges into earrings, representing a woman’s former confinement to the domestic sphere.
  • We at the Renegade Craft Fair Board have reached our allotment of bird motifs. We are currently looking for themes featuring foxes, cacti, or pubes.
  • Your needlework includes knit caps for babies. Babies are gross.
  • It is unclear if your crocheted potholders subvert the dominant paradigm by reclaiming the culinary arts as a field in which women have historically been free to exercise authority and control. In the absence of sufficient evidence, we are forced to assume that you simply like potholders.
  • Based on your headshot, you lack body art/ironic eyewear/retro shirtdresses/make-up revealing a deep love for a bygone era.
  • Also based on your headshot, you are over 30.

Thank you for your interest in the Renegade Craft Fair.

Lady Leatherette and Miriam Thunderpussy
Renegade Craft Fair Board of Directors
Tulsa, Oklahoma