Dear Valued Crafter,
We regret to inform you that your request for a booth at Tulsa’s Renegade Craft Fair has been denied. This decision was based on the following reasons:
- The craft samples you submitted contain no bodily fluids/cigarette burns/traces of methamphetamines.
- Your embroidery contains a noticeable lack of vaginal imagery and/or your needlework was not crafted for vagina-related purposes.
- Your metalwork sample is not sufficiently subversive. To be truly “renegade,” metal should be reclaimed from a formerly oppressive source. Examples of “renegade” metalwork include bracelets constructed from reclaimed chastity belts, or the conversion of Eisenhower-era door hinges into earrings, representing a woman’s former confinement to the domestic sphere.
- We at the Renegade Craft Fair Board have reached our allotment of bird motifs. We are currently looking for themes featuring foxes, cacti, or pubes.
- Your needlework includes knit caps for babies. Babies are gross.
- It is unclear if your crocheted potholders subvert the dominant paradigm by reclaiming the culinary arts as a field in which women have historically been free to exercise authority and control. In the absence of sufficient evidence, we are forced to assume that you simply like potholders.
- Based on your headshot, you lack body art/ironic eyewear/retro shirtdresses/make-up revealing a deep love for a bygone era.
- Also based on your headshot, you are over 30.
Thank you for your interest in the Renegade Craft Fair.
Lady Leatherette and Miriam Thunderpussy
Renegade Craft Fair Board of Directors