That’s right, playwright! CONGRATS TO YOU! Your production has been ACCEPTED into the 58th biannual Theater and Cheese Festival of Yakima, WA, presented by the Eastern Washington Theater Company, TheaterWOW!
So what happens now?
FIRST: Celebrate! After thousands of submissions, our esteemed, well-decorated and highly ambulatory judges have selected you. This is no small feat, playwright! Alumni of TCFYWA include Steven Lawrence (“Beans” from Even Stevens) Ben Ramsey (screenwriter of Dragonball: Evolution), Monty (Tom Hanks’s dog) and Joey Fatone. Toast to yourself knowing that you are in excellent company!
SECOND: Send in your deposit of NINE HUNDRED U.S. DOLLARS. This deposit will go towards staffing the festival with volunteers, renting donated venues, and purchasing unfiltered tap water for festival patrons.
Cash, personal checks, credit cards, debit cards and venmo are NOT valid methods of payment. Please request a money order from your bank and have it legibly signed with an over-sized novelty pen by the current governor of Arizona. Do NOT mail your money order. All payment must be hand delivered by a college student in an aggressively oversized sweater to the Festival headquarters by October 1st.
THIRD: Set up your MyFestival account online!
PASSWORD: my mother’s maiden name
All important information regarding publicity and festival deadlines will be featured on this social interface so be sure to log in soon or you’ll miss out!1 We highly recommend activating social activity ALERTS so that you are notified by the sound of an old-timey jalopy horn whenever one of the thousands of users asks a relevant question or posts a fun GIF that you’ve seen before.
FOURTH: Read all 278 pages of the ATTACHED Official International Arts Festival Handbook.
Please pay special attention to the following sections:
TCFYWA is happy to provide a tech person for your show for the rate of $100 per performance. This light operator is familiar with the venue’s light board, but is dangerously unacquainted with the soundboard. If you need a sound operator we are happy to provide one for an additional $100 per performance. Please note that the light operator CANNOT attend your tech rehearsal because they must deliver an ice cream cake to their niece’s half birthday celebration at the zoo. The sound operator CAN attend your tech, but will choose not to because it doesn’t sound like fun.
If you would prefer to run your own tech please note that any damage to our equipment, no matter how minor, accidental, inevitable or “due to natural disaster,” will result in a $25,000 fine. Our boards are antiques from the 1960s and will break if exposed to moisture, fast breathing or chair noises.
Storage for props does not exist.
All show tickets cost $20 in person or $47 online. All non-performing participants (writers/directors/producers/stage managers) must purchase a ticket EVERY time they enter the venue, use the restroom, or hold sustained eye contact with the venue director.
Actors are not required to purchase a ticket for their own show, although it is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Our venue has a capacity of 75 individuals. If this maximum is exceeded, non-ticket-holding- actors will be required to exit the building and stand in the OfficeMax parking lot for the duration of the performance to provide space for paying patrons.
Our performance venue is a renovated lumber mill that was closed down for being “too dry” so fire safety is a top concern. All props, set pieces, costumes and human personnel must be inspected and certified as FLAME RESISTANT by Frank Raisin, our resident fireproofing specialist. Frank is available in his office Mondays-Thursdays from 8 AM-5 PM every week from now until you arrive in Yakima Valley and from 2 AM-4 AM every day you will be here.
Finally, we realize that the cost of travel and accommodations (NOT PROVIDED BY THE FESTIVAL) can be expensive so as a gesture of gratitude we’d like to provide you with space in our programs for ad placement. Past productions have been able to make as much as $39 dollars by selling this ad space.
If you have any questions please first look it up in the handbook then ask the question on MyFestival, then send me an email. If I do not respond to that email please consider your question a lost cause.
So excited to see your art!
Producing Artistic Director
1 Some deadlines have already passed, including press releases. As a result it is unlikely your production will be reviewed or decently attended.