Welcome to Yoga with Aditi. I’m Aditi, and the man snoring in the corner is Biju Uncle. Today’s yoga series is for my fellow South Asians. Hop into something comfy—nighties with holes are encouraged—and let’s begin.

Let’s start with a quick check-in. Notice what energy you’re bringing to the mat today. Are you nervous? Are you holding tension in your jaw? Is your cholesterol through the roof due to the lingering effects of centuries of British colonial rule? Try to put your stressors aside, at least for the next twenty minutes. It’s time to join me and your fellow yogis, who are mostly white ladies, for a quick but powerful session.

We will start today’s practice with Yoga for When Your Relatives Ask, “When Are You Getting Married?” You’ve been requesting this one a lot in the comments. This is the perfect sequence for when Aunty is pestering you for “good news,” and no, the new taco place opening on your corner doesn’t count.

The best thing to do when confronted with this question is to retreat into your own private Shame Cave. Join me on the floor for Child’s Pose. Really melt your entire heart into the mat—I mean, let’s be honest, no one is interested in it anyway. Ayooo—sorry. Aditi, get it together.

Amazing work. Now, let’s do Yoga for When You’ve Been Compared to Your Cousin. We all have that cousin who is not only hotter than us, like by a lot, but also superior in every other way. Let’s get into plank pose to build the strength needed to ignore comparisons.

If this feels uncomfortable at all, don’t push yourself. I mean, why start now, at age thirty-nine, when your cousin is ten years younger than you and more successful than you’ll ever be? Sorry, inside thoughts. You’re doing great. Fifteen more seconds. We’re almost there, beautiful people.

Time to give our wrists a break. This next one is another popular request: Yoga for When You Have Tendonitis from Responding to the Family WhatsApp. I find that so often, we spend our days hunched over, furiously trying to keep up with “good morning” texts or debunking Biju Uncle’s latest propaganda. I’m pretty sure Modi did not beat Mark Zuckerberg in a cricket match, thereby proving the superiority of Indian people…

Did you hear that pause? That was an appropriate use of ellipses, Biju Uncle. Anyway, time to give those wrists the love they deserve. Rotate them one way, then the next, like you’re putting bangles on for your nonexistent wedding. Now, let’s go ahead and retreat to our Shame Cave. I’m kidding. Move like you love yourself.

Thank you for sharing your time with me, by the way. I hope you’re really enjoying this practice. Feel free to send it to a family friend, cousin sister, or for the white people, your “cousin once removed.” Could someone please explain to me what that means in the comments?

Next up is Yoga for When Your Favorite Pickle Triggers Your IBS. Let’s start standing for this one. Put your hands on your stomach, that uncooperative little jerk. Inhale lots of love in, as if you’re sniffing a fresh batch of mango thokku, RIP. Now bend over in defeat. Very good. Roll up slowly with the control that none of us really have over our lives. Run to the bathroom if you need to.

All right, let’s close out with some pranayama, or for the white folks watching, prahhh-nahhh-yummm-ahhhh. Come to a comfortable, cross-legged seat. Align your head over your heart, and your heart over your PCOS. Take a deep breath, and say, Ommmm. God, why does that feel appropriate-y? Anyway, here we go. Ommmmm. Really good.

Time for my personal favorite: shavasana. Stay here until your desi mom gives you a glowing compliment. Just kidding, you’d be dead, LOL. Please get moving and let me know how this practice was in the comments below.