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Articles by
Andy Newton
Andy Newton is a writer living in Astoria, Queens.
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June 12, 2018Other Notable “Deals” Throughout History
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May 31, 2018The One Where Everything’s 2018
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February 5, 2018A Day In the Life of Carter Page
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December 21, 2016A Note on the Future of Santa’s Workshop
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November 11, 2016Comforters to Wrap Yourself In While Weeping Over the Fate of American Democracy
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January 14, 2021I Am the Designer of This Restaurant’s Outdoor Seating Space, and This Is My Artist’s Statement
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January 13, 2021Excerpts from the Sex and the City Revival in Which Samantha Is Replaced with Fran Lebowitz
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December 21, 2020Things I Didn’t Have on My 2020 Bingo Card Bingo
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January 20, 2021Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1-1,056
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January 22, 2021Llama Llama Remote-Learning Drama
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January 22, 2021Eight Famous Poems Rewritten by Your Asshole Cat
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January 22, 2021Now That I Am Old Enough to Enroll in Medicare, I Am Against Socialized Medicine
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January 21, 2021I Am a Disappointed Biden Voter Who Was Told He’d Immediately Implement Communist Rule