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Andy Newton

Articles by

Andy Newton

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Andy Newton is a writer living in Astoria, Queens. His work has been published by National Lampoon.

February 5, 2018

A Day In the Life of Carter Page

ANDY NEWTON and MICHAEL BLEICHER
December 21, 2016

A Note on the Future of Santa’s Workshop

ANDY NEWTON
November 11, 2016

List: Comforters to Wrap Yourself In While Weeping Over the Fate of American Democracy

ANDY NEWTON

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April 4, 2018

Fifty-Six Questions for Young MC Upon Hearing “Bust a Move” for the First Time in Twenty-Two Years

JOHN MOE
April 10, 2018

List: Horoscopes for Librarians

MAYUR CHAUHAN and SALLY MILLER
March 19, 2018

I’m Going to Close This Deal Using Business Words I’ve Heard Men Yell in Airports

WENDI AARONS
April 6, 2018

We Deeply Regret Hiring the Perpetrators of the Salem Witch Trials as Opinion Columnists

BOB VULFOV

Recently

April 19, 2018

A Poem About Your University’s Absolute and Unwavering Appreciation of Its Faculty in Spite of Said Faculty’s Crap Salaries

SUSAN HARLAN
April 19, 2018

List: Things I, an Affluent White Cis Male, Have Gotten Away With In a Starbucks

JOSH BROSNAN
April 19, 2018

The Diary of a Settler of Catan

JEREMIAH BUDIN
April 18, 2018

The First Female President

CARA MICHELLE SMITH