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Articles by
Dan Caprera
Dan Caprera is a Chicago-based comedian who has written for The New York Times, The New Yorker, Vulture, Slackjaw, Mic, Weekly Humorist, Funny or Die, and The New York Times Crossword puzzle. In addition, his work has been featured by The Daily Mail, Lonely Planet, The A.V. Club, Uproxx, The Chive, Golf Digest, ShortList, and BroBible. He has a website.
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April 10, 20204 Bible Verses That Describe The Kick-Ass Birthday Party the Apostles Were Planning For Jesus Before They Learned He Was Going to Die For Our Sins
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March 26, 2020“The Roads Not Taken”: A Robert Frost Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Poem
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February 28, 2020Mike Bloomberg Can Win This Election!
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February 17, 2020The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself… and Goblins
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February 12, 2020Other Uses For Your Andrew Yang Beer Koozie, Now That Andrew Yang Has Suspended His Campaign
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February 11, 2020Famous Quotes That Have Clearly Been Misattributed to Winston Churchill
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January 24, 2020Bumper Stickers For Tesla Owners
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January 2, 2020Things I Should Talk to My Therapist About Vs. Things I Do Talk to My Therapist About
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October 16, 2019Confusing Things For a DJ to Say
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September 30, 2019Famous Philosophers’ Pick-Up Lines
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September 24, 2019The White Claws of Wrath
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August 19, 2019No Son of Mine Is Going to Be a Benthamite Utilitarian. This Is a John Stuart Mill Family, Dammit!
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September 2, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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September 7, 2021A Short Quiz for My Students in Lieu of Asking About Their Vaccine Status or Requesting That They Wear Masks
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October 9, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 8, 2021Wake Up, Sailors, Scurvy Is a Hoax
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September 17, 2021Our Faculty Success Initiative Redefines Everything You Thought You Knew About “Faculty” and “Success”
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September 17, 2021Adam and Eve Decide Who Should Be in Charge of Childbirth
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September 16, 2021The Founders Would Like to Remind You They’ve Been Dead for Nearly Two Hundred Years
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September 16, 2021Updated COVID Guidelines: A Flow Chart Wrapped in a Riddle Shrouded in a Clusterfuck