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Articles by
Dan Carroll
Dan Carroll is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. The fact that he’s able to maintain a living in this discipline is a complete anomaly to him, his family, and most around him. Nothing makes sense. This simply cannot be.
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November 8, 2018Turns Out the Blue Wave Was Actually the Ocean Rising to Kill Us
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October 11, 2018The Coaching Candidates for Every Youth Soccer Team In America
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March 7, 2018Welcome to Newscycle: The World’s Most Exhausting Cycling Workout
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June 24, 2015The Results of Doc’s Medical Examination On the Other Six Dwarfs
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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February 22, 2021The UX on this Small Child Is Terrible
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February 24, 2021I Oppose the Democrats’ Plan to Lower Child Poverty. If Kids Want to Eat, They Should Work In Filthy Factories Like They Did in the Good Old Days
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February 16, 2021As a Superhero Teacher, I Can’t Wait to Sacrifice My Unvaccinated Life for Your Child
Recently
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February 26, 2021The Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love” for Nihilists
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February 26, 2021As a Staunch Defender of American Liberty, I Refuse to Let Trans People Infringe on My Rights as a White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman from Georgia
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February 26, 2021You’re Having a Bad Trip, Charlie Brown!
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February 25, 2021714 Epidemiologists on When We Can Resume Fixating on Petty Bullshit