McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
David Hart
David Hart sometimes writes things when he’s not busy telling people to hush during meditation classes.
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August 8, 2018I am the Composer of Veterinarian Hold Music
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October 6, 2015I Am the Visionary Conference Planner You’re Looking For
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November 5, 2013Inbox Om
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July 12, 2013An Open Letter to My Two-CD Set of Miles Davis’s Bitches Brew
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September 4, 2012I Am Selling Candy for My Basketball Team or My Conceptual Art Project
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September 28, 2011Masterpiece Theatre’s Missed Connections
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July 22, 2011An Open Letter to The Clinging Panther Tattoo on a Middle-Aged Woman’s Arm
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April 29, 2009The John Wooden Pyramid of Success Meets Shaquille O’Neal’s Twitter Feed
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February 27, 2009Investment Opportunities for a Weak Economy, Suggested by the Ghost of James Brown
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December 19, 2007“Clue” Accusations, 2012
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January 16, 2007When TV Resembles Reality
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August 23, 2006Bedtime Stories by Thom Yorke
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 8, 2025Did You Even Consider Every Possible Lived Experience Before Recklessly Posting Your Chili Recipe on Social Media?
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January 9, 2025I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
Recently
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 17, 2025It’s About Time Our Government Finally Reflects the Real America—An Airport Terminal at 10 a.m. on a Weekday
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January 16, 2025A Pre-Game Pep Talk by a College Football Coach Who Recently Audited a Class on Nietzschean Thought