ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Mike Langley
Mike Langley is a writer and a middle school English teacher in Brooklyn, NY. He is a Features Contributor at The Onion, and writes a weekly humor newsletter, The Libel.
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June 3, 2024We’re Having a Get-Together. Could You Bring Your Massive, Poorly Trained Dog?
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May 20, 2024So Sorry! Just Seeing Your Ransom Note Now
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March 20, 2024I Am the New York Times’ Paywall, and If I Let Any Non-Subscribers in, They’ll Kill My Family
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October 4, 2023Well, I May Have Debased Myself to Become Speaker of the House, but At Least I Didn’t Accomplish Anything
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September 5, 2023Our Self-Driving Cars Will Save Countless Lives, But They Will Kill Some of You First
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May 15, 2023I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop
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March 10, 2023The NYPD’s Right-of-Way Regulations for Bike Lanes
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October 31, 2022If Elected, I Promise to Murder You
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January 14, 2021Asking Me to Stop Beating You with This Sock Full of Quarters Will Only Further Divide Our Nation
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian