ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Patrick Coyne
Patrick Coyne is a comedy writer from Philadelphia. His work has been featured in The New Yorker, Reductress, and The Hard Times, among others.
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July 31, 2024Lesser-Known Goals
of Project 2025 -
June 27, 2024Pavement Lyrics or Trump Cognitive Glitch?
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June 14, 2024Trolley Problem Variations for Dads
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April 17, 2024The Boys Are Back in Town (for Johnny’s Funeral)
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December 11, 2023Everything a Barber Could Do During a Haircut Before I Speak Up
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October 25, 2023A Letter to the Parents that Gave My Son Charlie a Bunch of Rocks for Halloween
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August 31, 2023Welcome to Your Benevolent King’s Bottomless Pit
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July 20, 2023My Political Career Should Not Be Defined by the One Time I Got My Dick Stuck in a CVS Blood Pressure Machine
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May 2, 2023One of Us Always Tells the Truth, the Other Always Lies. Also, Contrary to What You May Have Heard My Penis Is Not Small
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April 13, 2023TikTok’s Old Age Filter Shows My Wife and Some Other Guy Standing on My Grave
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February 13, 2023Candy Heart Messages After Elon Musk Buys Sweethearts for $44 Billion
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June 29, 2022First Drafts of Classic Movie Quotes
Trending 🔥
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 30, 2024Faculty, Rejoice: Gmail Can Now Translate “Deanspeak”
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 2, 2024JD Vance, a Very Normal Human Man, Sells Used Cars
Recently
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October 11, 2024I Wish I Went Before Mary Shelley in This Storytelling Contest
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October 11, 2024270 Reasons: Because Kamala Harris Can Say the Word “Abortion”
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October 11, 2024Brutally Honest Instructions for Visiting a Pumpkin Patch
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October 10, 2024Why Kamala Harris Must Secure the Endorsement of Sabnock, the Great Marquis of Hell